What's worse. Emotional or physical cheating

XStardustX · 2023-07-12T21:58:46+00:00

Which one would you feel more betrayed by Having your loved one emotionally cheat - finding one going emotional comfort in them / perhaps having a real desire to speak with them in a way you feel neglected Or the act of physical cheating - sexual activities through intercourse , oral ect

PlantDoctor · 12/07/2023 23:00

Physical

Furnitureelf · 12/07/2023 23:02

The combination of the two is worse
Then physical
Then emotional

DixonD · 12/07/2023 23:27

Emotional for me I think. Anyone can have a fling and it not mean anything, but having a connection with someone else, them becoming your “go to” person, would be very hurtful.

NuffSaidSam · 12/07/2023 23:29

Physical.

I don't believe emotional cheating is a thing.

thisbathiscoldnow · 12/07/2023 23:34

Either one would see him dumped. They're both disrespectful and a form of betrayal in my opinion.

thisbathiscoldnow · 12/07/2023 23:35

NuffSaidSam · 12/07/2023 23:29

Physical.

I don't believe emotional cheating is a thing.

So you'd be ok with your partner sending declarations of love to another woman, as long as he didn't actually shag her? 🤔

mastertomsmum · 12/07/2023 23:38

NuffSaidSam · 12/07/2023 23:29

Physical.

I don't believe emotional cheating is a thing.

This, because chatting with your friends about your partner or confiding in someone is not cheating

NuffSaidSam · 12/07/2023 23:41

thisbathiscoldnow · 12/07/2023 23:35

So you'd be ok with your partner sending declarations of love to another woman, as long as he didn't actually shag her? 🤔

Show quote history

I think if my partner loved another woman romantically/sexually he'd be doing his absolute best to shag her.

If he loved her in a platonic way, then fine. I love lots of people in a non-sexual way.

Bleepbloopbluurp · 13/07/2023 01:19

Physical. I wouldn't be impressed if my partner had an emotional affair but I understand that sometimes people need an ego boost.

Physical affair would put my health at risk and I would never forgive that.

PrideNails · 13/07/2023 01:32

Emotional. Physical could be a drunken night stand/fling, it's lust. Emotional is a deep connection, possible feelings of love. I've been through both, the emotional side of the affair broke my heart.

Growlybear83 · 13/07/2023 01:37

I think as another poster said that a combination would be the worst option, but if the two, I would be most hurt by physical cheating. Any kind of physical cheating, for whatever reason, would be the one thing that would end my marriage without question. I don't think I could forgive emotional cheating but I think that would be harder to establish and prove.

OldBeller · 13/07/2023 01:53

Depends what you mean by emotional cheating. If you mean you'd be upset by a close friendship with a member of the opposite sex, that wouldn't bother me at all.

I'd rather someone kissed someone else than had a massive crush on them though.

Toomanysquishmallows · 13/07/2023 05:33

in my case my partner did both , when I had a 3 month old baby , I’ve had commitment issues ever since.

thisbathiscoldnow · 13/07/2023 06:24

*@NuffSaidSam
*
*I think if my partner loved another woman romantically/sexually he'd be doing his absolute best to shag her.

If he loved her in a platonic way, then fine. I love lots of people in a non-sexual way.
*
Loving someone else in a platonic way isn't emotional cheating though. Anyone doing anything they feel they need to hide from their partner is a no from me, even if it's all over text.

My ex used to constantly message other women, he loved the ego boost and attention he got from it. He constantly lied about who he was on the phone to/ messaging, making me feel stupid for questioning him. Fuck that shit, if you'd be happy being treat like that then poor you, but as soon as I found out, he was out the door ... after being reduced to a snivelling little wreck of a man begging for forgiveness. Ick, no thanks.

NuffSaidSam · 13/07/2023 06:54

thisbathiscoldnow · 13/07/2023 06:24

*@NuffSaidSam
*
*I think if my partner loved another woman romantically/sexually he'd be doing his absolute best to shag her.

If he loved her in a platonic way, then fine. I love lots of people in a non-sexual way.
*
Loving someone else in a platonic way isn't emotional cheating though. Anyone doing anything they feel they need to hide from their partner is a no from me, even if it's all over text.

My ex used to constantly message other women, he loved the ego boost and attention he got from it. He constantly lied about who he was on the phone to/ messaging, making me feel stupid for questioning him. Fuck that shit, if you'd be happy being treat like that then poor you, but as soon as I found out, he was out the door ... after being reduced to a snivelling little wreck of a man begging for forgiveness. Ick, no thanks.

I absolutely agree that lying and dishonesty are unacceptable. I think that's the issue though, not that your partner has formed an emotional bond with someone.

I'd also say that if he was messaging multiple women because he was titillated by the attention, that wasn't really an 'emotional affair'. Doesn't sound like there was much of an emotional connection with these multiple women.

BlockedButWhy · 13/07/2023 07:04

Physical.
But only because the thought of a physical crossover between me and OW would make me feel sick. There would be no coming back from it.

If there were an emotional affair, I guess there would be a small smidgen of hope to work on the relationship. But, it depends on how far it's gone and who it is with really.

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 13/07/2023 07:43

Emotional, 100%.
If they started to care / love someone else, that would be devastating to me.
Sex doesn’t mean anything to me, so couldn’t get upset about it even if I tried.

Hibiscrubbed · 13/07/2023 07:44

Both. Separately and together.

Both would be total dealbreakers for me.

User63847484848 · 13/07/2023 07:45

Physical - I think the lines are clearer

thisbathiscoldnow · 13/07/2023 08:07

@NuffSaidSam

But lying and dishonesty go hand in hand with an emotional (and physical) affair.... it's kind of impossible to have one without it?!

No you're right, there was no particular emotional attachment to any particular woman but that wasn't my point. If my partner was messaging just 1 woman, and forming an emotional connection with her that he felt he needed to hide from me then that's emotional cheating and a no from me.

An emotional connection with someone that you don't need to hide wouldn't really be cheating, would it? 🤔

NuffSaidSam · 13/07/2023 08:22

thisbathiscoldnow · 13/07/2023 08:07

@NuffSaidSam

But lying and dishonesty go hand in hand with an emotional (and physical) affair.... it's kind of impossible to have one without it?!

No you're right, there was no particular emotional attachment to any particular woman but that wasn't my point. If my partner was messaging just 1 woman, and forming an emotional connection with her that he felt he needed to hide from me then that's emotional cheating and a no from me.

An emotional connection with someone that you don't need to hide wouldn't really be cheating, would it? 🤔

That's my point.

If it's a platonic love there's no need to lie.

If it's not platonic then sexual/romantic feelings (and eventually actions) will be involved.

There's no such thing as an 'emotional affair'.

CornishGem1975 · 13/07/2023 08:24

Most 'emotional' cheating episodes lead to physical. Every time I see someone on here describe something as 'it was only emotional' I think 'sureeeeeeee'. That's because people see emotional cheating as okay compared to physical.

CornishGem1975 · 13/07/2023 08:25

Or as the lesser of two evils I should say.

HappilyContentTheseDays · 13/07/2023 08:57

I agree with pp who say there's no such thing as an emotional "affair".

For me, sexual cheating is a deal breaker. It isn't only the deceit and lies but also the fact that the most intimate and personal act between myself and my partner has also been shared with someone else, while we were supposed to be an exclusive partnership. So no, I can't cope with that.

If someone is sending flirty texts, then that's going to lead to sexual cheating and isn't very different.

Platonic love for someone? That's different. I have several platonic friendships with men, women or couples and I love them all quite deeply, but it isn't sexual in any way. I share emotional stuff, as they do with me, and share strong bonds but they are not ones that would threaten any romantic/sexual relationships they have in their lives.

When I was married, my own husband shared a very strong bond with a female friend. We'd supported a young couple where the husband had died of cancer, leaving a devastated wife. My husband became very close to her and they became friends, but I can assure you he was open about it and there was definitely no sex involved. They spent time together, I do believe he 'loved' her in a platonic way and probably (although I never asked) shared emotional stuff, perhaps he even discussed the state of our marriage or family matters? It didn't bother me, our marriage bonds were very strong and our trust in each other was absolute too.

Eventually my husband supported this woman in finding a new job, she moved away to work in a residential care setting for troubled children. When she left, my husband wanted to give her a goodbye meal, he asked me to cook it as I was a good cook and he was useless in the kitchen! I then went out for the evening with girlfriends and left them to say their goodbyes. It mattered a lot to him, but no, there was still no sex involved.

Over the years this lass eventually met another partner and remarried, and my husband was invited to the wedding.

I think some would not tolerate such closeness with another in a marriage partnership, but we are partners, not jailers. Partnership doesn't exclude closeness with others. While my husband had a special friendship with another woman, it was no different to the special bonds he had with, say, his mother or sister or best mate or whatever. They are all special relationships but didn't impact on the unique bonds we had created in our own marriage.....