Is our relationship doomed?

[Slothmomof3]

Me and partner have been together almost 4 years. In that time we’ve had DD (2) a stillbirth and now have a newborn 3mo so to say it’s been non stop would be reasonable. I also have 13yo from previous relationship.

He still hasn’t proposed. That’s not the issue, I was previously in a really abusive relationship so now anything better than that is welcomed. Which has left the bar low for him. I’m currently on maternity. I make a bit more money than him- I pay rent, CT gas and electric. He pays for a food shop (100) which I usually end up having to top up and Wi-Fi.

I would estimate I cover around 70-80% of expenses and cover everything for the kids. I’m also expected to cover all the housework/ admin, he barely lifts a finger. I’m struggling with the weight of my load and told him as much, it changes for about a day. I do 80-90% of childcare he doesn’t participate much in that unless I make him mind the kids so I can have a break and go to bingo. I resent him. Are we doomed?

Yes. Because you deserve MUCH better.

He is not an equal partner. You are running the home, paying the bills and doing all the child care. What exactly is his role? Cocklodger. That's all.

Please see your own worth and don't accept this "love" because if he really loved and respected you, he'd care about you enough to meet you halfway. He would WANT to help you and make sure you are happy, healthy and that you were true partners.

In your shoes, I'd kick him out and keep raising the babies just as you already are since he isn't contributing anything.

What Fartsock wrote.

You’ve sadly gone from one abusive relationship into yet another crap and otherwise dysfunctional one. Your boundaries here, already skewed by previous abuse, are being further got at by this person now. Find it within yourself to kick him out asap and rebuild your life. I would also urge you to do the Freedom Programme as this is for those who have been in abusive relationships.

What would happen to you if you asked for 50:50 split with costs, and 50:50 split with childcare duties?

If you're worried you'll be punished then that's your answer.

If he would step up with an apology then you have a chance.

he doesn’t participate much in that unless I make him mind the kids you don't mind your own children, it is called parenting. I wonder why you think it is acceptable for you to pay more and do more? It is meant to be a partnership, you are meant to both contribute toward the children. And being an adult means doing household chores.

This is not a good or healthy relationship and it may well be that you rushed into having children too. I also think your boundaries are skewed and you deserve better, a person who loves and values you, who contributes financially toward the children they have created. Have a look at the Freedom program. You deserve better than this.