How long did you stay in your relationship with a “narcissistic” partner?

[Ifyousayso1]

I was 12 years.

I’m just wondering if the after effects are worse the longer you stay?

I stayed for 13 years, made my escape in 2015.

I'm not sure if I will ever fully recover, and have developed stress related health conditions. After a couple of years on my own, I am now 5 years into a healthy happy relationship which has been a total revelation. Occasionally I have to explain about certain behaviours, habits and routines that have become ingrained stemming from my old 'normal', which have at times left my DP confused, saddened and horrified.

I hope you're able to live a peaceful life now.

@marriednotdead I left in 2019. I have developed ptsd and chronic fatigue with pain since. I am also 3 years into a new relationship and he is lovely. I feel like I will also never recover, it’s always just lurking all the time. It really doesn’t help that we share a child. I wish I could never see him again, I would recover so much better not knowing he has moved in and is behaving so much better.

*Moved on

It's hard isn't it. I have now got fibromyalgia, which I think is partly the result of living on heightened cortisol levels for so many years. I too have some symptoms of PTSD although I am not diagnosed.

It's easy for them to pretend that they're better behaved now (so you end up believing it's your fault they were so awful). Just remember it's all a facade, the mask slips eventually and you already know the truth.

Once your DCs are adults, you'll have less to do with the ex. My contact with my child's father is minimal to non existent now, having sat through a graduation and wedding. They can see him for who he is now, I didn't badmouth him.

No DCs with the exh fortunately so no contact required there but the cumulative effect of those two relationships have affected me greatly.

The best revenge is to live your life well and be happy with your current choices. Try not to be bitter, it's not going to help your physical or mental health. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and we can always learn something, even if it's 'don't do that again!'

@marriednotdead I think I have this too- possibly as a result of being married to someone who caused me to 'live on my nerves' to keep the peace. Only time I relaxed really was when he went away with work after the first 10 years. We are still married but I no longer just 'go along' with things- I have prioritised myself - if I don't want to and do stuff to 'keep him company' I don't- I do feel like I was somewhat used for company over the years as he doesn't have local friends, although knows a lot of people generally through work

20 years, I am a shell with c-ptsd, not at the stage I can share my story 17 months out.

also 12 years! i still regret losing this time...

although i treat the term "narcissist" pretty loosely here. He was just a selfish and immature person whose plan to life was to step on anyone's head as long as it got his own ass a bit further

as far as the impact on me - i still feel it. I have remarried and overall I am in much better place, but there are days when I get flashbacks and even have nightmares about it

7years. I'm happy and content now but I couldn't ever imagine being with someone else now 😔well until my kids are older I might try again but I'm so not interested in men 😌

So sad reading these. I'm out after 30 years and have been in an awful state. people keep expecting me to be okay after a year.

It is very sad. I’m 4 years out and still find it difficult. I often wonder why I’m not just fine but then I remember how awful it was. The disconnection is scary sometimes. I think what gets me is the chance of personal growth that’s been taken and replaced by bad memories and unhealthy behaviours. 12 years of living for another out of love and fear.

Just over 8 years. Left nearly 5 months ago. Had left previously to stay in WA refuge for a couple of weeks last year when I realised I was being subjected to emotional abuse and coercive control. Unfortunately, I returned to him after he said he would change and he wasn't the same person anymore.
It's just over the last couple of months I've been able to see things from an outsider's perspective and, when we do see each other (handovers for our 19 month old DD), I can see clearly what he's really like as he still tries to gaslight me and make himself out to be the 'good guy'.

5 years. It took 3 attempts to leave and managed to escape for good in 2019.

It still affects me more than I'd care to admit. It sickens me to think that if he knew I was still so affected by him, he'd absolutely love it. It's really not that easy to get over though. People think you should be fine the second you've officially left him, but being subjected to psychological and emotional abuse every single days for years on end literally alters your brain.

It takes so much time and so much work to undo the damage.

Sometimes his face pops into my head and the only way to feel better when that happens is to imagine doing very violent things to it. So it's safe to say there's still a lot of anger there.

Some days are better than others though, and it's not all doom and gloom. I'm pursuing academia which has been my dream which I never would have been able to do whilst with him, I have good friends, most of all I have my freedom which I never take for granted. There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not actively so grateful to have my freedom.

I’m so tired of being effected by it. I know it wasn’t my fault but I still get so down about the whole thing. I tell myself that I’ve been through a lot and to give myself a break but I’m tired of needing a break. Especially when people around me have such easy lives, I get so jealous. It’s been years since I left, I just want to be over it now.