Page 2 | I asked for a seamstress and got a date instead

IateAllTheGaribaldis · 2023-07-12T10:57:11+00:00

I posted on a Facebook group last week looking for a seamstress and got a friends request from a local-ish chap who saw the post. He can't / doesn't sew btw. Long story short after a bit of lighthearted banter back and forth he's taking me for dinner this evening. He comes across well so far. He seems intelligent, good sense of humour. He isn't texting all day like previous Internet dates would. We chatted for an hour, he asked me out and the date was set. A couple of texts this morning to confirm and here we are. It's just a bit random isn't it! Do you think it's daft of me to go? Would you mind being approached this way?

Original poster

IateAllTheGaribaldis · 12/07/2023 12:56

He did ask if it was OK to call me but I couldn't at the time as I had company, so I do think he's real. I've checked out his Facebook account and he has family members on there that interact with his stuff.

His initial message said "Hello, I hope you don't mind how random this is but I saw your post on (Facebook group) and thought I'd say hi and introduce myself"

Hmm. It is a bit weird isn't it. I'm on the fence now and actually do have a migraine coming on, I think you jinxed me HighEnd!

Spoke to another friend of mine who thinks I shouldn't go. I'm dealing with some health stuff at the moment and was probably happy for the distraction.

OP posts:

DancingBarefootTonight · 12/07/2023 13:03

I bet he can’t believe his luck that you’ve responded. Every woman I know gets these messages and ignores them. I really would advise cancelling but if you do go, be very careful.

Oldnamechangeyetagain · 12/07/2023 13:06

guineacup · 12/07/2023 12:51

And watch your drink like a hawk!

That x 100.

If you need to go to the loo make sure your glass is empty. If he offers to top it up politely refuse.

Stay safe OP !

Original poster

IateAllTheGaribaldis · 12/07/2023 13:10

I think many of you are right. I should probably cancel. There are other ways of distracting myself from a tough time. I'll buy a new book or something.

It did strike a chord with me to hear that everyone gets these messages and just ignores them. I can totally see why they would. I feel a bit foolish now 😬

OP posts:

Urgsleepmoresleep · 12/07/2023 13:10

He could be innocent and actually liked your picture. Is this any different than tinder etc? OLD you are meeting with random guys who may or may not be genuine. It’s like the modern version of meeting in real life. he may be changing his luck at seeing a gorgeous person and asking her out.

I would met but in public and only for a short time. If you like him get to know him slowly.

I dated a guy who I met off a random Facebook group. I liked his posts and his picture. I asked him out, he says yes and we dated for a few months. I don’t think I am creepy

Frogmila · 12/07/2023 13:10

Could be a creeper, could just be a one off for him.

If he looks and seems ok then I don't see the harm in seeing how it goes in person as long as you are extremely cautious- no lifts, no shared taxi or walk home, pay half, watch your drink, make your excuses at the sign of any 'off' feelings, let someone know where you're going and be vague about where you live and work.

I'd be interested to ask whether he regularly meets women this way. Do bear in mind it may be about sex for him even if he is charming.

CovertImage · 12/07/2023 13:11

So much drama in this thread

OP you're going somewhere public so you'll be fine, just take the usual precautions you would if it was a OLD meetup. I hope he's nice and that you have a lovely time. If not there's nothing lost and you don't need to see him again.

RaininSummer · 12/07/2023 13:15

I would have ignored someone who randomly wanted to make contact as they are obviously trawling the net for women.

wheelywheelynice · 12/07/2023 13:29

I don't think it's wise to look on it as a date.
My method of dating back in the day was:
chat online just long enough to see if I want to chat on the phone, chat on the phone just long enough to see if I want to meet up, meet up just long enough (coffee or a drink, never dinner) to decide if we want to go on a date.
It eases pressure/nerves/expectations on both sides and I would never deviate from it.

StevieNicksfan · 12/07/2023 13:46

I've seen this on different sites done to other people and had it done to me, friend requests from strange men, I just ignore them. These sad men are usually trawling through Facebook just looking for women to approach. I'd be worried who he was and how often he did this. Years ago, late on a Saturday night, I received a wrong number phone call to my house. After telling the profusely apologetic man that it really wasn't a problem, he started to initiate conversation with me. I politely (first mistake) got rid of him ASAP and thought no more about it. Then he rang me again the next morning, he'd obviously taken note of my number and wanted to chat again, he said 'hi, it's me from last night' as if we'd been on a date! I bluntly told him to leave me alone and hung up. When he rang again later that day I didn't pick up and he left a message on my answering machine with his number asking me to call him. I'd had enough, so my dh rang back with the intention of telling him where to go (if I'd rung him he'd have seen it as encouragement). An older man answered the phone and when dh told him what had happened he was horrified, said it was his son who lived with him and said "oh no, he's been at it again". Apparently he had a few drinks on a Saturday night and rang random numbers hoping to get chatting to women and develop a relationship with them. I'd be very wary about meeting up with this man.

toomanyleggings · 12/07/2023 13:51

There’s probably a 99 percent chance he’s dodgy

Original poster

IateAllTheGaribaldis · 12/07/2023 14:01

StevieNicksfan · 12/07/2023 13:46

I've seen this on different sites done to other people and had it done to me, friend requests from strange men, I just ignore them. These sad men are usually trawling through Facebook just looking for women to approach. I'd be worried who he was and how often he did this. Years ago, late on a Saturday night, I received a wrong number phone call to my house. After telling the profusely apologetic man that it really wasn't a problem, he started to initiate conversation with me. I politely (first mistake) got rid of him ASAP and thought no more about it. Then he rang me again the next morning, he'd obviously taken note of my number and wanted to chat again, he said 'hi, it's me from last night' as if we'd been on a date! I bluntly told him to leave me alone and hung up. When he rang again later that day I didn't pick up and he left a message on my answering machine with his number asking me to call him. I'd had enough, so my dh rang back with the intention of telling him where to go (if I'd rung him he'd have seen it as encouragement). An older man answered the phone and when dh told him what had happened he was horrified, said it was his son who lived with him and said "oh no, he's been at it again". Apparently he had a few drinks on a Saturday night and rang random numbers hoping to get chatting to women and develop a relationship with them. I'd be very wary about meeting up with this man.

This reminds me of the man who used to call the telephone box on the high street I'd pass on my way to and from school. No idea who he was hoping to answer the phone, he may well have been looking out of a window somewhere.

I've come to my senses and cancelled the meet citing a last minute emergency.

OP posts:

Bathbasketcase · 12/07/2023 14:19

ZeppelinTits · 12/07/2023 12:04

He sounds a bit opportunistic. I'd be wondering if he was often on the prowl, or possibly didn't respect peoples boundaries. Or just generally looking fitness everywhere he goes. I'm not saying don't go but... I'd be wary and guarded.

What if he’d approached her in a bar? Or on a dog walk? Or some such? Isn’t it the same, except virtually?

StevieNicksfan · 12/07/2023 14:30

@IateAllTheGaribaldis I think you've done the right thing cancelling. Deep down you obviously had your doubts about him, hence you posting on here. Yes, I think every town had those phone box ringing weirdos, it was never a woman hoping a random passing man would answer was it? Always the other way around!

Newtothisanddonunderstand · 12/07/2023 14:36

I replied to an out of the blue message a few months ago just for the hell of it, texted for ages and did meet the guy. Really loved his company, met him a few
more times, started really liking him, kissed him, met him weekly…. and then saw that he was replying to lots of younger women’s posts on a group we are both on (I don’t think he knows I’m there) saying he is PMing them. I’m not in love so I’m not heartbroken but I am hurt!

millymoo1202 · 12/07/2023 14:41

I’d go just make sure it’s public place and friend knows where you are. No different to meeting someone on match etc. I need to be posting more on my village fb page. Keep us updated

StevieNicksfan · 12/07/2023 14:48

I disagree that it's like meeting someone on a dating site (match/tinder etc) as the OP hadn't joined a dating site, where she'd be actively looking to meet a man, she was only asking for a seamstress, totally different situation altogether!

Original poster

IateAllTheGaribaldis · 12/07/2023 15:17

Newtothisanddonunderstand · 12/07/2023 14:36

I replied to an out of the blue message a few months ago just for the hell of it, texted for ages and did meet the guy. Really loved his company, met him a few
more times, started really liking him, kissed him, met him weekly…. and then saw that he was replying to lots of younger women’s posts on a group we are both on (I don’t think he knows I’m there) saying he is PMing them. I’m not in love so I’m not heartbroken but I am hurt!

I'm sorry, this is so hurtful. What a shit.

I've been surprised by the behaviour of some men I know, on social media. I have a family friend of 20 years on my Instagram and have been 😐 at some of the things I can see him liking and following. I think they forget people can see alot of their activity.

Do you think you'll say anything to him about what you've seen or not bother? I would struggle not to say something in these circumstances but I think the majority would advise you not to bother.

💐for you

OP posts:

Thisisworsethananticpated · 12/07/2023 15:22

Why not ! No riskier than OLD

Blossomandbee · 12/07/2023 15:50

I'm torn on this as it could be very dodgy or it could be genuine. How did he take you cancelling?
Have you done a Facebook search on him to see if you can see any other comments?

Original poster

IateAllTheGaribaldis · 12/07/2023 16:07

He was absolutely fine with me cancelling, said family must come first and its no problem at all, then offered to reschedule for Friday.

OP posts:

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 12/07/2023 16:15

I’m not sure what I’d think to be honest. It could be innocent and he’s just trying his luck or as @Newtothisanddonunderstand says he could be trying this on with numerous women.

This is when I was on community eg Facebook sites I was always slightly wary if someone male messaged me trying to be friendly because I didn’t want to shit on my own doorstep! It’s bad enough some (not all!) local men who are married with kids, if I see them randomly and say hi to them (as I would to their wives) sometimes they look very shifty and I never know if they think I’m coming onto them or not (they wish!).

However, they’ve now met my newish boyfriend and can rest easy! We’re all off to a neighbourhood bbq soon too.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 12/07/2023 18:33

I would get to know him first with texts/calls and FaceTimes over the coming weeks and then meet for a coffee date during the day 🙂 x

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 12/07/2023 18:36

In Discworld , ‘seamstresses’ offered other services …… just saying……

TreesandFish · 12/07/2023 19:11

I understand that we have to be super careful but at the same time, it's really sad. For us singles, the only option is OLD and when we complain to friends about how ruthless it is, they often come out with "maybe you can meet someone somewhere else" or "it could happen anytime"

And yet, here we have a case where a guy made a move outside a dating app, and we are all assuming he's dodgy, including me. There's no way to win