Would you make an effort with this man?

[shoega]

I met a guy on one of these dating apps and we last week we agreed to meet up a week later, so we had ample time to decide where to meet.

He said he'd look online and pick a place to go for drinks, but suggested I look too. I went back to him and said that I don't drink, so I'm not fussy about where we go for drinks and I'd be happy to go meet wherever he chooses.

Tomorrow is the date and he still hasn't decided where to meet. He keeps messaging me about the area, but caveating it with 'he still needs to look online for a place to meet.'

It's not so hard to pick a bar/pub whatever. Is it? I'm deliberately leaving it to him because he's choosing to go where suits him, not me (I've suggested a coffee house if he can't seem to make up his mind). Is this a red flag?

My last two dates with other people have been similar; not wanting to put any thought into meeting; so, for example, my last date said 'let's meet by the river and take it from there' and I had to point out that the Southbank is a stretch and overcrowded during the summer, the least we can do is meet by a landmark that makes it easy to spot each other. Anyway, my lesson from the bad dates was that if they can't put any thought into a first date, it's a red flag and will only go downhill from there (in the case of the last two dates, turned out they were reluctant to pay for their drinks/ food and put me in an uncomfortable situation where I paid and never wanted to see them again).

Please advise me. Is this the norm in dating? I'm in my mid-30s and it's frustrating that I haven't met someone who wants to make an effort.

You do sound a bit stiff and perhaps he was nervous about finalising a place.

A simple solution after he hasn't decided on a place would have been to say, 'I heard a friend at work today talking about x place. Let's go there.'

Not being funny but you sound quite hard work! I’m sure he’d have come up with a pub eventually

Why is that putting you off? Does a pub visit have to be pre planned days before? Surely you decide on the day?

The idea that the guy is paralysed by indecision because he wants to choose exactly the right place in order to make a good impression is laughable.

Well, we're both working adults in our mid-30s. If he doesn't agree with my suggestion of a coffee house, it'd help if he suggested an alternative, so I know whether the plan is on or off and where to go when I leave work. It was a whole week of back and forth with him questioning everything.
If he couldn't make up his mind still an hour before the date, I doubt he would eventually.

And like a PP, I've had dates suggest meeting by the tube entrance when the station has many entrances and we'd end of wasting an hour locating who went to what entrance then being pressured to bar crawl; or dates by the river which stretches endlessly and we'd spend time reconciling what part of the river the other went to. So, no I'm not being fussy, I'm learning the realities of dating, from experience.

If it bothers you then I think it's fair enough and a positive you have to awareness to know what you want, regardless of what others might think is ok.
If I were you in future I'd always suggest a coffee at a place convenient to you in the first instance, it avoids you both investing time and energy traipsing across the city for someone you might know instantly isn't for you, a coffee is a little pre date and gives you an easy get out or leaves them wanting more and excited to arrange an actual date, if they couldn't or didn't suggest anywhere for that then I'd say that would be a sign of disinterest or half arsedness.and there'd be no excuse for it.

I’d have just picked a place and said look why don’t we meet at x place at 6. We can always go somewhere else if not happy with that but need a location to meet. He does sound indecisive, but maybe just nervous. I’d give him a chance