Getting over infidelity

[Whoknows11]

Just that really, found out my bf of a year has been cheating on me for the last 8 weeks. I feel sick. Not sure if I can recover from it. Anyone been in a similar situation? I want to forgive but not sure I can.
No children and don't live together.

why would you want to forgive him? he cheater for 8 weeks in a short relationship - just leave him

also its 8 weeks that you know of and there is probably more than that

Why would you want to forgive him?. He’s been seeing someone else for the past 8 weeks, that’s both deception and intent on his part . I would think that he would not be at all forgiving if you had cheated on him either.

Find it within yourself to dump him. You have no ties to this man and there are better men out there.

Problem is OP you'll never trust him again. There will always be an element of doubt. Without being rude, you've not been together very long, it may be best to nip this in the bud. You'll thank yourself in the long run 100%.

You will recover but the relationship is dead and you can’t forgive him, he’s a pig.

OP think yourself lucky that you're not tied to him by DC or a mortgage. Grab your chance to get away! He's shown you who he is.

wouldn't bother. A year long relationship, don't live together, no kids. He cheated because he could, or he wants more, or he isn't happy and didn't want to be the one to break things off. Just move on

I’m so sorry op it must be particularly painful, you are still in that honeymoon period where you probably haven’t had your first argument and everything seems perfect.

Unfortunately he doesn’t feel the same. That’s why you should end it. If he can’t keep his pants on now before you have the pressures of life, kids, sick parents, mortgages then he never will.

You deserve better.

Why would you want to forgive someone who has blatantly lied to your face , hidden his actions , put your sexual health at risk , ruined your trust , gone against the values you'd set in the relationship together for his own sexual pleasure ?

Maybe some can but I would never see the point
I'd doubt everything he said , be suspicious of everything he did and my self esteem would be in my boots so no .. I'd not forgive
I'd say

" thanks for the fun we've had in the last year , we obviously are not in the same place or want the same things so this doesn't work for me anymore , I wish you well and would like you to never contact me again "

I'd then concentrate on enjoying some time for myself with friends and family that love me

Hi @Whoknows11 i'm so sorry you're going through this xx
He's not worth it hun, he doesn't deserve you.
You stay strong ok, you will get through this ❤xx

I’m so sorry you find yourself in this devastating predicament OP. Many of us, young and older have been there and it’s totally head fkng. In my experience there is no age limit to the duplicity of cheating partners.

On the assumption you’re reasonably young, I think after a year’s relationship you should really consider finishing with him. It’s a real red flag at that stage of a relationship. Why hang in there when the world awaits you? The thing is you’re unfettered by joint finances, joint home/mortgage or children so see this as a glimpse into the future when you might be harnessed by these things and get out whilst the going’s good.

Forgiveness for any of us who’ve been cheated on is really really hard. So many words, activities, future arguments are triggering so it’s only natural you will be constantly comparing situations. For a very simple example he says “I love you” and you think “I wonder how often you told her that?”
Nah, get out now whilst you’re young enough. It’s not worth the head fk.

Too much too soon

You don't have to get over anything

If you forgive this he will think you are a sop.

Get out before you are further in.

The only acceptable level of cheating in any relationship is none.

You're worth better.

Don't forgive him. Dump him. Have some standards. If you keep him, you'll have given him the greenlight to do it again and again. If he can't be faithful to you now, he never will be and you're worth more. A year is nothing in the grand scheme and you have no ties to him so thank your lucky stars you're free to ditch him and move on to better things.

See it as a lucky escape, you're not tied to him in any way as you don't live together or have kids together which would massively complicate things if you split up further down the line (and several other women) when your joint life has become more complicated.

You deserve better. Move on, and you'll find them.

Absolutely this. You’ll never be able to trust him again and that will eat away at you. He’s not the man you thought op. Get rid.

I am probably in the minority on here in that I do believe that that SOME relationships can recover after infidelity. But, after a year? Nope, not worth the time or effort. Bin and move on.

Thank you for all your replies.

You're all right, just need to find the strength in me 😔

Why would you want to stay with someone that can't stay faithful in even a short relationship?

Grieve what you thought you had - but actually didn't.

Every time you feel you should stay together and have romantic thoughts about you and him, get the image into your mind of him performing oral sex on the other woman and then meeting you later and kissing you on the lips.

If that doesn't wake you up and make you feel sick and want to get shot of him, I don't know what will.

Of the 12 months you've been together, he's been cheating for 2 of them. Almost 17% of your relationship has been a lie.

2 months is not a mistake. What exactly are you trying to save here? Ditch his arse and do it quick. Then be very proud of yourself for not putting up with absolutely fuckery. Good luck OP x

@Whoknows11, I am so sorry. How did you find out?

His cheating is a slap in your face after you’ve given him so much emotional support during all the dramas with his controlling Ex and manipulative older daughter.

It would be game over for me. He has treated you with utter contempt via his infidelity, dishonesty, disloyalty and, if his cheating was physical, disregard for your sexual health.

Please don’t diminish yourself by staying with this duplicitous, untrustworthy man.

Horrible for you OP but if after 10 months together he’s cheating whats the point? Dating is about seeing whether or not you are compatible. You are not, because he is a cheater. Forgive him and he’ll just do it again wont he?

Why would you want to forgive him? Bin him, he's a twat

All of this

I'm sorry. But once you've got rid of him have a think why you'd even consider 'getting over' this. Don't you feel you deserve more? A decent bloke who treats you with respect?