My DP has suffered with his mental health all through his teenage years up until his 30s. He has tried counselling but he hasn’t found the right counsellor yet and seems to have giving up hope on finding one. It took me three different attempts to find a counsellor I found effective and this took course over a five year timeframe so I do understand his hardship and mentality around counselling. I shared my own experience with counselling with him as a way of trying to encourage him not to lose hope because there is someone better suited out there for him, but I also reminded him he has to go to counselling on his own terms and when’s he’s ready because he won’t benefit from it if he goes for someone else’s sake rather his own. For this reason, I don’t want to pressure him into going.
Throughout our relationship he has always seemed to be doing okay and there was no cause for concerns. However, our bedroom activity lately has decreased and his sex drive is almost nonexistent (neither of us pressure each other into sex). So, at the weekend, he couldn’t stay hard and kept trying even though I insisted it was fine but he ended up breaking down and crying (for the first time) and admitted he felt depressed. He felt embarrassed he had cried in front of me and I reassured him it was fine, I would only love him more on the bad days as they’re the days he couldn’t show any love to himself. Despite comforting him and reassuring him it was okay, he still persisted about how he felt embarrassed he cried and didn’t want me to think he was soft. Again, I reassured him I didn’t think any less of him (only more) and he has to snap out of this toxic masculine mindset that he can’t cry.
He has mouth ulcers and stomach issues the past few weeks so I was worried but just thought he was rundown because of a project he’s working on. He admitted at the weekend that he hates his job and that’s the cause of most of his pain, and feels unaccomplished in life. His work environment is a really toxic enviornment with older men who sexually harass women, are sexist, and are very discriminative. Lately my DP has become the butt of some of their jokes and he’s struggling. There’s no point reporting it to HR because it will just get worse and the HR (female staff) try to avoid all contact with the men because they know how it is. He doesn’t have two consecutive days off together so his days off are just spent dreading the following day when he’s back at work and he can’t seem to switch it off.
We’ve decided to fix up his CV, I’ve sent him jobs in his field (not what he is currently working in), recruiters contact information, and have encouraged him to get out. We also spoke with his sister at the weekend who encouraged the same. I’m worried he won’t find a job he actually wants because he lacks experience in his studied field and any rejection from jobs may set him back a bit and he’s already reluctant to apply because of it.
I’m doing my best to stay positive and cheerful but I can’t help but feel really worried for DP. It’s my first time to ever see him so vulnerable and I feel helpless. He needs to get out of his work environment but he’s not exactly racing to get out either by fixing up his CV straight away and sending it out. I’m trying to incorporate more date nights and things to do together he will enjoy so we’re not cooked up in the house at the weekends.
Does anyone have any experience with this or ideas on how I can help? I’m aware he’s not my responsibility but I do love and care for him and only want the best for him. I rather be supportive and a shoulder to cry on than have him hiding his emotions.