Leaving a long-time friend?

[pspaulsen]

I couldn’t tell for a long time if I were being unreasonable or if my friend really did treat me badly, but I think I’ve reached my limit now and need to step back from the friendship either way. I don’t have a clue how to go about it

We’re childhood friends and always had clashing personalities (her being very outgoing and brutally honest, me much more shy and sensitive to emotions) but made it work. She told me many times that she’s frustrated by me being a private person. Recently our relationship grew colder even though neither of us addressed it. She made a few occasional comments suggesting I don’t care about her, I’m not proud to say I did act cooler towards her too as I was very hurt. I don’t know what causes the detachment, other than time and natural differences

a mutual friend of ours did comment that she was quite unpleasant in excluding me (and others) at times but I put it down to one of her traits, she’s not very thoughtful of peoples feelings and when I mentioned to her that I was slightly hurt by some of her actions her reply was “well you give what you get”

now she and some of our friends are on holiday, she’s been completely giving me the cold shoulder and i think I really can’t make excuses any more, our friendship is painful (at least on my side) and I can’t be close to someone who has no sensitivity

I accept I made mistakes too but I would never go out of my way to treat her like this.

We’ve been friends for more than a decade though so I am very torn on what to do now, I worry I’ll regret pushing her away but I also can’t bear having a relationship which makes me feel this way. Any solutions would help thank you

I don't know but I'm in a similar situation with a friend of mine. I just posted on another thread about it. Similar thing. She also ruined a holiday for me and the other people there with selfish behaviour.

It's a crap situation to be in :(

It really is. I’m sorry you’re going through it too

Yeah, I just think in my situation she has no awareness of her behaviour at all. I think maybe the same for you? I'm also a bit more quiet and sensitive and I find her overwhelming.

I'll find my post and show you what I said about her. I don't have any advice because I'm clueless about what to do, but I'm happy to wallow with you.

Similar situation on the other thread. I said

"I feel your pain with this. I've also got an old friend who has become a completely different person. Very selfish, very self obsessed. You have a conversation with her and it isn't a conversation because it's just her repeating herself. She doesn't listen to a word I say unless it's by text so my words are in black and white. Even then, she often ignores what I've said even when it's big news. She asks for favours that aren't reasonable, like asking me to drive her miles out of my way when I have a chronic pain condition and she can easily afford an Uber. She makes jokes that are under the guise of banter, but are actually just hurtful personal comments. She drinks too much and gets loud and boorish. She's ruined holidays. She physically shoved me out of her way at one point so she could have her own way with something.

I feel sorry for her because she has a lot going on, her boyfriend is almost certainly cheating on her and she's been depressed for a while. I know she's very unhappy. And we've been friends for many, many years. This behaviour is totally out of character for her.

I honestly don't know what to do. It's stressful. She used to be such a good friend..."

It sounds very much like my situation, I completely understand what you mean. Thank you

How horrible for you I’m very sorry. I do recognise a lot of those things, it always feels awful and I hope things get better for you

It's so hard. I care about her but I come away from interactions with her feeling so stressed out. And I feel like I can't cut her out because I've known her for such a long time. We've got so much history.

I am just holding on hoping she'll change but it feels like it's getting so ingrained that this is our relationship.

It's rubbish. I know some people would say just don't stand for it, but I don't find that very easy.

Sorry you're in a similar situation 🌺

Absolutely, we have so much history together that I can’t make myself suddenly step back from the friendship even if maybe it would be better

Its so difficult to decide what to do in these situations

Yeah, same. She's in my friendship group as well so it would be impossible to completely avoid her. I know there's no point saying anything because she wouldn't even understand what I was talking about.

You're on holiday with your friend right now? That can't be easy. Can you get some time alone to maybe read a book or go for a long walk?

A lot of women have the guilt complex . Men don’t suffer from this . If a friendship isn’t serving A man well emotionally or physically they cut ties and move on . I feel women need to take a leaf out of this book a bit more and stop agonising over things so much . Some friendships are meant to last some arnt just like all relationships arnt meant to last and some are . People have to accept if a person no longer wants a relationship . It’s the same with friendships . Everyone has a right to choose whose in their life . Just be clear about it and move fwd .

@Cazmaz28I would hope she’s sorted it seeing as this was 2 years ago.