How do I be strong

[Stanleygirl]

I have been seeing a man for 4 years we never seemed to get past the first post due to his behaviour he would have drinking binges which upset me because he’d do stupid things for example fall out with me, upset me by being horrible, he would basically change personality when drinking not just with me, when not drinking he was mostly affectionate and fun the only drawbacks were he could be selfish and not listen to my needs however I do believe he loved me to bits, recently after one of his drinking episodes I was told by a bloke I vaguely know that I ought to get shit of him as a month or so ago he was in the pub drunk telling this bloke I was a gold digging bitch and our relationship was shit, I knew nothing about this episode when I asked him he denied it but I don’t believe him….. that has to be the final straw I’ve ended it about 8 times before due to these types of thing but never this bad, so he is now in bits making promises but I have to stay clear and be strong it’s crazy that I miss him still!! Help x

Do you need a stranger to tell you that you're being a mug? You don't miss him, you just have some sort of need for the drama, it's like an adrenaline buzz, it's addictive. In the hope of giving you a metaphorical slap around the face I'm going to bluntly tell you that your attitude is needy and pathetic, he's a drunken twat and you fully know it. Just fucking move on, it's the most powerful thing you can do.
If my response sounds a little too personal I will explain by saying that my neighbour and good friend (male) is in a toxic relationship, constantly splitting up, awful arguments. The fact he finds himself unable to leave the relationship has made me lose all respect for him, I struggle to even have a conversation with him now as it's been the same issues for so long and he's utterly selfish and lost himself in the toxicity. Please don't be that person, it's ugly and boring as fuck.

Thank you I’ve lost myself in a similar way I value your honesty x

Are you young? I can’t think of many women over 35 who would put up with this shit.

Having said that, there is no reason why you can’t learn a bit of self-respect now. I’m genuinely not having a go - I’d be glad to help you x

Do you live together?

Write a list of his faults and all the horrible things he's done. Refer to this list in moments of weakness.

Thank you no I’m not young I’m 48 however I was previously in a 25 year marriage so I’m not excusing myself but I think I’ve no idea what a healthy relationship looks like! Thank you x

No we both have our own home

Oh dear. You do realise you need to bin him off don’t you? Do you feel safe doing that?

I think you know what you should do OP....

After you've dumped this waste of space, treat yourself to some counselling to explore why you think you deserve this awful treatment.

It will help, believe me.

You will find someone a lot better in time than him , if he's bad mouthing you for everyone to hear get rid , he says one thing to you and then all that in a pub its awful x

Yes I have got rid and intend to get myself in a better place now x

Well in that case, tell him its over. Block his number/social media and keep yourself busy. Have to hand a list of all the things he has done that have pissed you off so you can refer to that when your having a wobble

How are you doing today?

I am being really honest with myself….. telling myself no lies and I’m ok ….. I’ve got to be kind to myself and start taking care of me…. It’s going to be a journey but hopefully I will never let myself get involved with anyone like that again!! Thanks for asking xx

Oh that's fab has he tried to contact you ? X

I’m not sure as hard as it seemed I blocked him!! 🤔 xx

Well done you 👍 hope you have a nice weekend x