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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH behaviour - not ok is it..

11 replies

PicturePuzzle · 11/07/2023 17:02

Basically we are separated, living in the same house with DC's for now. He is a narcissistic twat who doesn't get the true reality and is continuing to get more angrier as I am mostly indifferent to him. I have put up clear boundaries and I have asked to be respected as a co-parent.

Anyhow something didn't please him lately to do with the DC and he got extremely angry with me, he was drinking prior to this. Firstly he was wrong with his accusation and secondly he has no right to speak to me as if I am little old wifey considering we are separated. I told him all of this. These outbursts are getting more common.

I am going through a death of a sibling and when I got mad I said not that you ever give a damn but I was having a bad day today. He said oh you always throw out the grief card. Part of what made me decide 100% it was over has been his reaction to my sibling's death, basically zero empathy, no support, making my life difficult.

I know everyone is going to say to get rid of him but I cannot get him out of the house too easily, it's his house too. Please give me any thoughts you may have on getting through this. I don't need this s**t when I am so heartbroken over my sibling.

OP posts:
stonedaisy · 11/07/2023 17:18

How long are you planning to stay in this house together? Is there an escape plan?

PicturePuzzle · 11/07/2023 18:03

No escape plan as yet.

I really don't want to move DC. I would imagine we will find a solution where DH goes to an apartment (he owns) some of the time.

I also feel I'm happy for the most part with this neutral position for now. Except when DH pulls the shit he did which I fear is going to get more frequent.

OP posts:
stonedaisy · 11/07/2023 18:16

Well exactly, i'd need out.. not ideal for the kids but you're going to end up going insane

Acornsoup · 11/07/2023 18:53

Living apart together doesn't always work best for the kids if both partners can't be reasonable. He sounds abusive and likely counselling or moderation won't work - not to fix the relationship but so that you can coexist in the house.

PicturePuzzle · 11/07/2023 18:59

I don't think he gets that this is over. It's like dealing with a teenage boy and I'm not joking.

I might suggest mediation as regards living together.

OP posts:
Tresto · 11/07/2023 19:05

Its rubbish but You need to end it and live apart. He was an arsehole when you were together why would he change now you have split up?

IamfeelingHopeful · 11/07/2023 19:24

I am very sorry for your loss.
Sorry I can only think of ear plugs or wearing ipod ear plugs around the house.

WildUnchartedWaters · 11/07/2023 19:28

PicturePuzzle · 11/07/2023 18:59

I don't think he gets that this is over. It's like dealing with a teenage boy and I'm not joking.

I might suggest mediation as regards living together.

Mediation is not recommended in abusive households but your OP doesnt give much to go on other than tne comment. What does he do when hes extremely angry and kn what ways is he narcissistic?

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 11/07/2023 19:52

What stopping him going to the flat?
I would get a lawyer, start a diary, record whats going on, demonstrate its a hostile environment for the children, and get an occupation order as a result.

JustCleaningtheBBQ · 11/07/2023 19:57

As you're married, it's your flat too. Can you go there instead?

Seaoftroubles · 11/07/2023 23:08

It would be by far the best solution for him to move into the flat he owns. At present he is not respecting your boundaries and the his volatile and disrespectful behaviour towards you is really damaging for your children to witness. See a solicitor asap for advice, as recommended by a previous poster.

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