To not want to be heartbroken ever again?

[heyimoverhere]

I'm thinking of all the time I've spent being upset and even crying over various men over the years, I realise I'm just done with it. I think I get upset too easily and am too sensitive and emotional.

I just doubt anyone has ever spent the same time thinking of me or missing me or feeling sad about me as I have over them.

Does anyone else just feel tired of it all?

What's happened? The only true way to avoid it is to never have another relationship.

It's not a race to the bottom OP, it's really not.

Would you want someone heartbroken over you? That generally isn't how nice people want others to feel.

But for you onwards and upwards. Best to think they are bloody lucky to have me, their loss.

Hi @heyimoverhere bless you xx
i totally hear you, i've cried so much over guys. I look like shit afterwards, head hurts, can't function. With my last boyfriend when we broke up i thought no i'm not putting myself through this again, i put my energy into me and my wellbeing, looking good, feeling good.
You got this girl, i know it's hard but pls stay strong 💪 ❤

Oh god yes, wasted my twenties traveling for, crying over etc and really cannot be bothered any more. At least I can tell dd to focus on herself first and if a nice person happens along great but don't make life all about that!

@FridayKnight I had a thread on it but just a guy I liked started to get involved with me but then it turned out he was seeing someone all along who he's now exclusive with.

Would you want someone heartbroken over you?

No, not at all, I'm just wondering why I'm bothered and care so much but it's not reciprocated.

@Summer2424 i'm not putting myself through this again, i put my energy into me and my wellbeing, looking good, feeling good.

Thanks, yes you're right, it's time to stop putting energy into these people/situations.

Yes, me. I really don't have the energy for it anymore.

This will sound conceited but it's true. I'm good looking so I get a personality imagined for me and then I either get broken up with for being a normal human being, or I get ripped apart and bullied with the expectation that I'll change into being the perfect person they've imagined.

I'd rather just be on my own. No one shouts at me or has ridiculous expectations of me when I'm on my own.

Oh dear, @OldBeller , I didn't know people did that with good looking people 🙁 If anything I'd always imagined good looking people can get away with more than others.

No it's actually awful, in that respect. It's easy to attract attention but I had an entire marriage where the guy wasn't the slightest bit interested in me as a person.

It's very lonely and stressful. As soon as I get in a relationship, I have to start listing all my bad points, insisting that they pay attention to my flaws, asking them repeatedly if they actually like me etc. And then when they do notice them, they either pretend it's not happening or go full on crazy at me.

I can't stand hearing compliments about my looks from potential partners. It's a massive red flag waving now.

People ask me how I could be single and tell me any guy would love to be in a relationship with me. That's exactly why I'm single. If any man would want you, how on earth do you find the one that wants you for your personality?

I've been hurt too many times now to even think about trying again.

Omg I'm the same! I'm a bit older now but was an attractive woman and my god men expected me to be Barbie or have no personality. They also imagined a persona for me which was wrong.

Yes, exactly! They treat you like you're betraying them when you just act like yourself instead of little miss perfect.

I literally had someone say to me once I love everything about you except I hate your actions.

It's soul destroying.

Yeah sometimes they speak slowly as they cannot imagine I have an idea in my head. I'm with someone amazing now who isn't threatened by me or my career (which isn't amazing but some men have been threatened) odd men.

Yep, I've had the surprise of discovering I'm intelligent. Like it's the shock of their life. And then deciding to take me down a peg or two for being too high and mighty as well.

I'm glad you've found someone. Lucky!

Well I suppose when I think about it my sister's beautiful but has always attracted (IMO) pretty awful men. She too found a good one in the end, though so don't give up @OldBeller 🥺

If I found the right one, I wouldn't be against it. But it's just so hard to tell.

If I really, really like someone and then they decide they don't actually like me after X amount of time, it's absolutely brutal. I've been upset so many times now.

Sorry for taking over your thread a bit. And same to you, don't give up x

It's very difficult, I think men are very looks driven. Maybe primarily? To what extent does any man like a woman apart from based on her looks? I had something wrong with my face for a while once and interest dropped to almost zero, then recovered later when it was fixed. It's not the same as your case but it did make me question things a lot.

It all amounts to the same thing in the end though, doesn't it? Men generally don't seem to care that much about your personality.

Ahh it's so difficult, you're right!!

It's only right that you protect yourself from future hurt and there does come a point where you can't keep doing the same thing and putting yourself through it like @OldBeller said it's brutal if it doesn't work out.

This timeI won't show I'm vulnerableThis timeI won't give in firstThis timeI will hold out with my loveThis timeI will not be hurtI'm gonna love myselfMore than anyone elseI'm gonna treat me rightI'm gonna make you sayThat you love me firstAnd you'll be the one with the most to lose tonightThis timeThis timeI won't let my emotions rule my lifeThis timeI'm gonna keep my heart locked safe insideThis timeI'm gonna be my own best friendThis timeI'm gonna be the oneTo winYour loveYour affectionTo hideMy fearOf rejectionThis time
Tracy Chapman

Sorry the spacing did not copy over, but it's the words that count.