No hope?

[Silentteach]

Ok so here goes. Been with ex partner for 5 years, share a 3 year old boy who’s our world (have an 8 year old from previous marriage). Around two weeks ago she ended it due to a disagreement at bbq and then explained she dreads weekends with my eldest, got upset and said we’ll never work. She came back day later to get her things and moved to her Mum and Dads with our youngest. Told me it’s over and she’ll never get back with me. She said she needs to be alone and nobody else can help her but herself- debt issues, issues with the way she feels about herself etc.
For the whole of the next week got morning how did you sleep texts, how’s your day been…but when I pushed, she said she felt I was putting pressure on her to change her mind and she told me to not do it.
On to Friday, I came home from work early as I couldn’t cope- she came round, we talked and she confirmed it was done and then I did the stupid guy thing of trying to be logical, think about the kids etc etc. I then lost the plot and ashamed to say I told her if she went I wouldn’t be here and that I’d kill myself. I then continued for an hour or so with her staying saying she is scared, youngest was asleep for most part. She then went to leave with him, I went to car begged her to keep him with me, went to cuddle him and took him back in house leaving her upset outside.
Police called, welfare check on me, her sisters fella and dad came to get youngest, police left, all calmed down. I went to get help and told her, she was pleased- allowed me to have youngest and when she picked up told me I looked much better than on Friday.
Spoke to her on Monday after, clearly angry said there is no way ever we’ll get back together. She’d told her boss at work and close friends.
Since then, I’m getting daily texts again off her, keeping me updated about youngest, and she’s continuing to say that she’d like to do things with him such as days out- even suggesting looking at Christmas events.
I’ve given notice on the house we shared as she’d asked me to- moved all my stuff out and told her, she said she was pleased I managed to get sorted, and that she’s pleased we can still get on.
Am I deluding myself that we can slowly rebuild after the trauma and the dust settles? That we’ll spend time coparenting and I’ll prove over time that I’m the man she fell in love with?

Yes I think you are.

I'm sorry, but she is being really clear. And your actions on Friday will have confirmed to her she's doing the right thing.

I don't understand your 'guy thing - logical and thinking of the children' comment. I think she's thinking of her child and acting logically. You acted much more emotionally.

Not to say emotions are wrong. But threatening someone that you'll kill yourself if they leave you, is just plain wrong. She isn't responsible for your happiness, and she has every right to leave you.

You can build a friendship with her, and be good parents to your children. But please respect what she is saying about your relationship.

And if at any point your mood is low, or you feel suicidal, please seek professional help. Don't make threats as a way of controlling someone else's actions.

She doesn’t get to have it both ways.

Its not fair of her to end the relationship and keep texting you, or asking you to continue to do things as a family.
Explain to her that you need time to heal, and that contact should only be about your child going forwards. You can’t be friends yet, it’s too soon.

I agree. She was already certain it was over, and your reaction confirmed that it was the best thing to do.

I then continued for an hour or so with her staying saying she is scared, youngest was asleep for most part. She then went to leave with him, I went to car begged her to keep him with me, went to cuddle him and took him back in house leaving her upset outside.
This must have been particularly scary for her. If you want to stay in contact with your child, you need to stop doing this sort of thing. Seek medical help for your mental health issues and apologise for this frightening behaviour.

You threatening to kill yourself is absolutely unforgivable. You did that deliberately to try and control her. It's called emotional terrorism and coercion and it's abuse. You then took her child away and the police had to be called. I'm amazed she will communicate with you at all.

Get therapy to deal with your issues, and aside from pertinent issues regarding your child, leave her alone.

You both sound hugely unsuitable. The right thing to do is stay apart