Friend ignoring me after relationship break up

[Livelifelaughter]

So, I don't know where to go with this. I went to a party with a friend last year and met a man. We dated 9 months and broke up. The man was a friend of the host who is in her 60s and a good friend of my friend.

Prior to this my friend and I were both single for many years. Since the break up she seems to have nothing to do with me. I don't really understand it. We have been friends for 40 years, our families know each other. It's as though by going out with someone the dynamic has changed. She isn't a sexual person at all, never dates or shows an interest in men.

What I am a little hurt by is that I know she sees the party host and some others in a group that I used to be part of.

And the odd thing is that the person who hosted the party has been in contact with me. I know my friend well enough to know she will be defensive if I raise this...

Any thoughts?

Did you put your friend on the back burner while you were dating this man? Perhaps she feels you somewhat abandoned her in favour of your boyfriend.

It doesn't matter if she's defensive does it? The alternative to speaking to her is to lose her as a friend. If you don't want to say 'why are you ignoring me?' just tell her you miss her and does she want to go <insert low effort but fun activity> with you?

Did you stay in touch throughout having the boyfriend? Was it a messy breakup?

Absolutely not, in fact we spent more time together then we do now. Had weekends away, met up etc

Thank you, I have suggested a few things and she is going with me on one (something for her birthday that she actually cancelled twice). But I sort of feel that she sees me differently and I can't put my finger on it...

Did you instigate the break up ? Perhaps she has some undercurrent of loyalty to her friend that is causing this.

Nope it was him. She isn't friends with him, but I met him through one of her friends who is to a lesser extent a friend of mine.

Are you concerned she is now going out with him? Or the other friend is?

Maybe she feels the dynamic of the group will change because of your breakup and is resentful of that.

Like she might worry you and her won't be invited to things anymore if he will be there.

Do you think that he has painted you in a bad light to the friend who had the party? and then the friend that had the party has told your friend?and she believes the worst of you for some reason?

Oh Lord no...my friend is single but just not interested in men at all in a romantic sense, I would say Asexual now and the other is married very happily. We are all mid 50s

Absolutely not, he isn't particularly close to either..

Yep, I think this is quite plausible to be honest. But that's quite sucky for me...

Hi @Livelifelaughter i know what you're going through. I went to my friends wedding, her cousin asked me out and we dated for 2 years but then broke up. Me and my friend don't talk anymore.
It's not nice and hopefully you are friends again but if you're not it's her loss xx

It's ever so strange isn't it. In my case my friend had never met him before but the complicating factor is that she is good friends with the host who I don't think felt comfortable about our relationship...she knows his ex wife. Honestly while dating apps are awful at least it avoids this crap...
The odd thing is if he knew I know he would tell them to look after me.