Am I being controlled?

[Mama6x]

I made a post last night about a situation where my partner told me he doesnt care if im not ready to be away from my 6m old baby he will be taking her away for 4 days to see his mother whether i like it or not (i breastfeed and suffer PND so cannot fathom the idea of being away from baby yet) told me i was being unfair and controlling by saying i wasnt ready to be away from her yet but i dont have a choice he will take her and i have no say in the matter.
I want to be very raw in this and list some other things he says/does because i feel like ive become blind to maybe how bad this is..
So apart from this situation with my little girl he has also
Got very angry and walked out on us for 1 week because i was breastfeeding my baby when my older kids bio dad arrived to collect them (he says i shouldve stopped feeding baby even tho he didnt even come into the house)
He stopped me from going outside to get something from the car cos i was wearing a sports bra and high waist joggers
I have to wear a tshirt if anyone comes over or knocks at door i cant wear a crop top or vest top
He dictates to me that if he wants to take our toddler and baby to his mums for x amount of days then he will (i havent been away from baby yet, when my toddler was younger he took him away to his mothers for 10 days dsspite me pleading with him i wasnt ready for that yet)
Less than 48hrs after me and my baby came home from a 2 week nicu stay (we both nearly lost our lives) he left with our toddler for a whole week to stay with his mum cos she was depressed. I begged and sobbed and pleaded him not to as id missed them bith so much and my toddler had missed me desperately
He constantly "jokingly" accuses me of cheating even though im always with all my children 24/7 and has demanded to see my phone multiple times
He drinks quite excessively at home every single weekend both friday and saturday night despite me asking him to maybe try cutting down a bit
Typing this out for the first time I feel very stupid for even asking peoples advice and opinions on this but for so long i have been made to believe this is all normal and now I think i have been blind to it all. Quite a few people said him trying to take my baby away from me before me and her are ready to be apart was abusive and I think maybe these other things are too? Ive recently been diagnosed autistic maybe this is why I havent seen things so clearly. What do i do? Any advice welcome

Run for the hills and get your baby away from this horrible man.

He doesn't get to make unilateral decisions for you or your baby.

Woah
stop. After the first bit I was shocked. Wasn’t even going to read the rest.. but did. And it made me so sad and mad!!!
yes you’re being controlled and I’d even say abused.
your partner sounds awful- you don’t need that in your life.
FYI he can’t jus take your baby what the actual f…
so sorry you’re going through this. If you can find the strength either stand up to him or leave his controlling narcissistic ass.

You have to leave. As I said before, he behaves like this because the way you feel makes him feel good.

He is dangerous to your well being and he is not and will not be a good parent.

Start finding paperwork and store it elsewhere, prepare to tell your family and friends. You don’t say if he is your husband which makes it easier as there is no divorce to go through. You can just organise yourself and either leave or toss him out.

Tell your health visitor and your gp as soon as possible. Habitual forcible separation of an infant from it’s mother is domestic abuse and you will need their support written into the records.

Please get in touch with womens aid asap on the quiet. Tell your healthcare advisor he is threatening to take the baby when you're breast feeding please lovely. Don't let him have any inclination at all but you need to get out of there asap!

This man is unhinged. Absusive. Cruel. He doesn't care about you. He doesn't care what's best for your children. Him and his mother appear to be his most important people.

You really, really need to take your children and leave him.

Take your little one and go to your mums or a friend and don’t let him take your baby
he does not get a say you do! And yes your being abused and controlled
sick to my stomach reading this!

This is bad OP. And likely to get worse.

Did his mother not realise you wanted your baby back? I suspect he lied to her, saying you needed a break after the birth. Speak with her directly. I bet he doesn't want you doing that as he lies about both of you to one another.

But yes, you are in an abusive relationship and you need to work on getting out of there ASAP.
Because it'll only get worse.

Well done for recognising the signs. Speak with women's aid. And start taking steps to get away.

He's horribly abusive. It might be that you have different backgrounds and cultural expectations but yours are your own, and by riding roughshod over your views, he's abusing you.

Advice as on the other thread - GP, Health Visitor, Women's Aid, solicitor, seek advice everywhere. Make a clear and definite decision that this is not going to happen - you need to know how to stop him (did someone mention a preventative steps order?) and you need somewhere to live with your children and without him.

People are assuming his mother has appropriate attitudes and sentiments. It might be that she's hardline 'my children do as I say' and regards the grandchild as her own property.

Sorry but get away so controlling

Yes controlling and I imagine is having quite a big impact on your mental health. It won't just be PND. Anyone would be depressed dealing with that!

Yes, that's controlling. Definitely, definitely, beyond a shadow of a doubt. Your thoughts and feelings are completely irrelevant in this relationship.

Oh OP. This is awful to read. Yes he is controlling and abusive. Noone has the right to take your children without your permission. Please contact womens aid, tell someone what's going on and take steps to get you and your children away from him.

He will only get worse. Please protect yourself and your children from this vile man. You deserve so much better.

I'd bet he's also cheating on you because usually those who are guilty are the ones suggesting you are the ones cheating on them. Guilty conscious much.

Please protect your children and yourself from his horrible, abusive man.

*this

I really feel your pain here. I went through this exact scenario with my ex when my kid was 1. Over 2 years later, he has pulled me through court over and over again, and persistently uses the poor child as a weapon to hurt me.
You absolutely need to leave this lunatic because he is now on the abusive track and the more you stay and let him get away with his behaviour, the more accustomed he will become to the power of it, and it will only get worse. Mine started where yours is but ended with physical abuse. Please don't allow him the opportunity to work his way up to that.
However, I'll be totally frank with you that the family court system is not on the woman's side at all. Even if the worst cases of abuse towards mothers, the courts always give fathers their access. But it will be scheduled and regulated, giving you your sanity back.
You'll have a battle ahead, but please find the strength to leave this monster and do what you can to regain your life and freedom.

Yes, you're being controlled. 100%. How can someone take your baby from you when it's not what you want? He's not considering your feelings, therefore is not a good partner. You deserve so much better. Do not let him take your baby and if he insists, instead go with him. Talk to someone you can trust about this for support x

Controlling, abusive and truly vile.

He has 100% likely caused your PND by his abuse.

Call Womens aid.

Call the police for help.

Do not allow him to take your child.

Tell the police he has been abusing you and is now threatening to take your child.

You do not have to tolerate this.

You need him to leave.

Call your GP for help.

This is a vile man.

Please reach out for support and help.

get out while you can protect yourself and your children before he damages all of you you will feel better about yourself and stronger look for help where you can there is plenty of help out there xx