Marriage without proposal

[Mumfiguringitout]

I’ve been with my partner for almost 12 years. We started dating when I was 16 and now have 5 kids together.
When we got pregnant with our first child 8 years ago, I had just been emotionally recovering from finding out that he had been cheating on me.
Being young and pregnant we were encouraged to get religiously blessed before the baby came and have therefore been religiously married for the past 8 years.
Is it bad that I am bothered that he hasn’t proposed to me? And that I still low/key expect a proposal and legally binding marriage?
Although I do see us as married in the eyes of God I just feel like something has been missed out or is missing.
Has anyone else experienced similar?

I'll be honest I don't know what you mean by religeously married. I can't imagine any religeous leader giving a blessing without a marriage.

And if 'religeous' ways of doing things mattered, why didn't you get married?

In any case, legal marriage is the only way of being married. Any informal blessing doesn't have any standing in social or legal terms.

I completely understand why that matters to you. If your DP knows marriage matters to you, what is his reason for not wanting to make that commitment?

If you have made any financial sacrifices as a result of being with your DP / having children (reduced working hours, reduced pay, reduced training ops, reduced promotion ops, reduced pension contributions) then you're in a dangerous position. Because if you split up, your DP will take with him all the benefits of being able to keep the same job (salary, promotion ops, pension etc) and you will not be able to recover any of it from him.

So, being married would give you the certainty that he intends to stay with you, the 'position' of being married (if that is important to you), and financial protection if things go wrong.

If you want to get married and he doesn't, you need to understand why. Is it because he doesn't want to commit to you? Is it because he doesn't want to have to share hsi money if you split? If he comes up with 'it's just a piece of paper' then you know you're in trouble. Because a) it really isn't, it's a life-changing decision, and b) if it was just a piece of paper, he wouldn't mind doing it would he.

You’re not actually married; has he ever said he wants to marry you? Do you want to marry him?

Could you have an open conversation about this with him?

If you have had a religious marriage but it wasn't a legal marriage you are not married and have very few legal rights. Get married properly to protect yourself and your children or you need to ensure you are financially protected, a solicitor can help

Are you a Muslim? Are you referring to the nikah? A religious "marriage", unless recognised by the state in which it occurred, has no legal meaning.

You are not married. Have you spoken about getting married? How are your finances? If you split, what resources do you have in your name?

If he hasn't proposed to you by now, I seriously doubt he ever will. There's a reason he doesn't want to be legally married.

I presume by religious marriage you mean Islamic? While that may well be very significant for you personally, it has no legal standing whatsoever. I’m guessing that with 5 children aged 8 and under you are a SAHM - so you need a legal marriage, for your own protection. Unless the house/tenancy is in both names, he can throw you out any time he likes. He will be obliged to pay maintenance for the children, but that’s all.

Whereas if you are legally married, you have a claim on not only the house (if owned) but also any savings or other assets he has, and a share of his pension. Sorry if you think I’m being bleak about the prospect of you breaking up….. the other one is that if he were to die and hasn’t made a will, you get nothing, whereas if you were married, the bulk of whatever he has would go to you.

So forget about the proposal, OP, that’s not what matters here. You need a legally binding marriage - which can be done at the register office with just two witnesses present for a couple of hundred quid, if that.