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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend been disloyal

12 replies

LilyLily1999 · 10/07/2023 18:00

Hi all…pretty long to explain and involves drugs please no judgement just need advice, so I’ve been with my boyfriend nearly 2 years I regretfully cheated on him earlier this year as my boyfriend said he can’t move in with me or marry me, for various reasons, and it pushed me away as I don’t get into relationships for them to be temporary and he was basically saying it won’t work out in the long run so long story short it pushed me away and I started talking to another guy and we ended up doing stuff my boyfriend found out and broke up with me since then we’ve not been official but we’re still meeting, going on dates etc basically being normal and working on getting back together.

This is when tables turn, my “boyfriend”stayed at mine last night and I went out this morning when I came back he was still asleep and I realised his phone was unlocked as he falls asleep with white noise playing. I had the temptation to look at it and felt like it was my only chance to do so (he keeps looking at my phone and checking I’m not talking to anyone) so I went ahead and looked and what I saw made me crumble, I could see for the whole duration of our relationship up until now he’d been messaging at least 20 girls and flirting with them I understand the recent girls hes spoken to as we’re in a rocky place but quite a few were from last year etc when me and him were good. I started crying and he woke and I confronted him and his answer was “they’re girls I supply drugs to and I have to flirt with them so they like me and wanna be a loyal customer to me” (I know this will make you advise me to leave him) sounds made up but in some of the conversations I saw him saying collect at 11 etc so I know it’s partly true but not every single girl he’s messaged is a customer as some girls he’s replied to photos they’ve posted of them with their ass out and he’s put 😍 so no way are they all customers some are girls he’s genuinely tried to flirt with. I feel like I don’t have a leg to stand on as I cheated on him and I have no proof he’s had sex with any of the girls but still it’s been going on before I cheated and he’s been extremely flirty with them and even told one he’s single and can’t wait to settle down, he told me he can’t sell drugs to guys as they already have suppliers so easiest option is to use his charm on girls so they like him and want to keep buying off him which I kinda get and I know would work but still hurts to see he’s been flirting with them and talking as if he’s single. I dunno what to do I can’t talk to him anymore about it as he’s saying what I did was worse as I full on cheated and how he just talks to them to try and make money etc but I’m over thinking so much and don’t like how these girls are thinking he’s single and he’s making them like him when he’s supposed to be all for me not advertising himself. I know he genuinely loves me and he is a really good guy (other then the drug dealing) but just shocked at what he’s been doing as I said especially as some of them don’t seem like customers instead look like girls he’s tried making a move on.

OP posts:
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 10/07/2023 18:05

You're with a drug dealer, that alone should be enough to dump him as that means he is a bad guy with zero morals, ergo.....are you really surprised he's been dishonest?

His whole life is about dishonesty, illegality and two sided behaviour.

You need to grow up and move on.

Tresto · 10/07/2023 18:07

I suggest you dump him and move on. Spend some time alone, socialising with good people and finding out what your values are. Then maybe find someone to share your life with, someone with integrity.

If you decide to stay with this man then use 2 types of contraception as he is not a keeper and you don’t want a baby or an std.

LilyLily1999 · 10/07/2023 18:08

i didn’t know he was still doing it as he told me he stopped and he’s not heavily drug dealing I knew he started doing it again recently as he left his job and needs to make money but didn’t realise he was doing it the whole time as well as talking to all these girl “customers”.

OP posts:
PrayerFactory · 10/07/2023 18:10

Why are you more outraged he’s flirting with customers than that he’s a drug dealer??? Grow some standards, OP.

Tresto · 10/07/2023 18:13

So he lies about drugs too!

He is not a keeper. Honestly ghost him and fund yourself.

As a 7 year old girl was this your hope for the future, dating a lying cheating drug dealer. Hell his comments about the men having their own dealer even shows he lacks ambition! Pop him back and do some work on you.

What are your hopes and dreams? Desires and visions for the future? Watch Brene Brown on YouTube (she changed my life). Mark Manson as well - his free newsletter is great for making you think.

But pop this man back where you found him and let him annoy some other poor woman.

Tresto · 10/07/2023 18:14

Find not fund!!!

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 10/07/2023 18:16

LilyLily1999 · 10/07/2023 18:08

i didn’t know he was still doing it as he told me he stopped and he’s not heavily drug dealing I knew he started doing it again recently as he left his job and needs to make money but didn’t realise he was doing it the whole time as well as talking to all these girl “customers”.

So what you're saying is he is not only a criminal but a liar and maybe even a cheat.

I can't actually believe you are even on here asking what you should do, given the answer is glaringly obvious.

  1. dump his arse
  2. report him to the police for being a criminal
  3. get yourself some standards
Tresto · 10/07/2023 18:19

Also read about how your brain chemicals trick you when you meet someone. Look up limerance. If you want someone to spend a lifetime with you need to know what you value and who you are.

Hawkins0001 · 10/07/2023 18:20

Holy trinity, ltb

SadKendall · 10/07/2023 18:21

Don't mind him being a dealer, but FLIRTING?! Fuck no.

LilyLily1999 · 10/07/2023 18:36

I was considering reporting him as he has a stash of pills in his room which he showed me on FaceTime today I’m not sure what they are or what class…possibly class A. But would he even be arrested for it im not sure what would happen as they’d find a reasonable quantity of them in his room (depending on when it’d be searched) but would he actually go to jail for it?

OP posts:
fdgdfgdfgdfg · 10/07/2023 18:37

You're dating a drug dealer. Why the fuck does any of the rest of it matter?

Fucking hell.

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