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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do you handle demanding people with expectations that you don’t want to meet

3 replies

Lesssensethanmoney · 10/07/2023 17:05

I don’t want to say much about the circumstances because I could go on all day but a family member who has plenty of great traits is also very demanding, controlling and has very high expectations from others. She is terrible with boundaries her own and other peoples and a few days with her you feel like you have gone rounds with Mike Tyson both emotionally and physically from her demands. There is s backstory where she was badly mistreated in her family of origin growing up and she is trying to deal with all of that, hence the emotional stuff but we are all finding it so difficult to navigate and I have my own family of origin stuff too.

Any experience or thoughts or advice gratefully received.

OP posts:
CalistoNoSolo · 10/07/2023 17:08

Yes, strengthen your own boundaries, learn to say no and mean it, go low contact if she continues to treat you like shit.

Shoxfordian · 10/07/2023 17:25

Don’t spend a few days with her, spend a few hours or less if possible

Pinkbonbon · 10/07/2023 17:38

You learn to say no.

And that just because people don't like the word no, doesn't mean you are wrong to say it. Or that you have to change it to a yes.

Your mothers childhood issues do not excuse her treating you badly as an adult. Everyone has issues, baggage, backstories, mental inemptudes of some sort. It's not an excuse to be an emotional vampire to others.

Break the cycle, teach your own kids that it's OK to say no. That its ok to take me-time to recharge. Because we cannot pour from an empty cup.

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