Subtle hostility from mutual friends after my divorce from my ex husband

[Anawana]

Hi all,

I had a divorce 2 months ago due to my husband coming out as gay. We're still friends. We'd been married for 5 years and had many mutual friends, admittedly who were originally his friends as I moved to his hometown after we got married.

Over the years I got close to these people - closer with some than my ex was - but when we separated, none but one reached out to me. Whereas, they've been hanging out with my ex all the time.

Particularly one lady was completely ignoring me in our group chat, whilst constantly chatting back and forth with my ex and meeting him every single weekend. Today I noticed she blocked me on Facebook. Why on earth would she do that?!

My ex and I are very amicable. Has a similar thing happened to anyone? Is this common for people to pick sides when there's no sides?

Or thinking the male friend is ’safe’, the newly single woman might come after their husbands you see….
Many women are crazy like this.

Although, I guess in this case the man could be coming after their husbands too😆

I meant that many married women are crazy and think the single women are after their man.

A pretty misogynist post . . .

I cleared it in the next comment below 👍🏻

No, you didn't.

I did.
If you disagree, that’s fine.
But it’s not misogyny, don’t be silly 😆

A lot of women have had that experience though ... So it's a realistic post. It's not misogynist if it's common female behaviour, which it is.

My husband came out as asexual. I'm just going through a divorce, and I can totally relate to this. Our mutual friends are completely avoidant, being civil individually, but otherwise cutting off both of us. We are amicable, but it hurts to see them making plans to meet over weekend in social media, but you had no clue, no one bothers to ask you, let alone invite. One couple went on to selectively unfollow/ skip commenting on your posts or social media content. I feel ostracized, as if choosing to divorce was a taboo of sorts....I feel so very lonely, and isolated. I ofcourse can't tell everyone the real reason as my husband is not comfortable with me discussing his orientation wirh them. So technically they have no clue why a seemingly happy married couple chose to part ways after 7 years.

This is part of the fallout of any divorce. I'm sure my ex H never told his friends he moved all his stuff out of the house without telling me and that he had been sidelining money from our accounts for several months prior to that. No, he will be "good old" dickhead. Move on from these people. They are really not worth it.

If you and your ex really are amicable then I think you could legitimately have a convo telling him this is happening and how
hurt you are by it.

I think you need to tell him to put the narrative right or you will post about it and put it right yourself.

sorry this is happening to you though op. It’s all unfair. But rest assured, the truth will out.

But it doesn't matter who controls the narrative and who is on the 'right' side, as pps have said, many people will drift away anyway, or gravitate to the person they were friends with first. I think in a lot of cases they probably mean well and think they're giving you space/don't know what to say, and don't realise how hurtful it is.

And I definitely noticed the female half of 'couple friends' backing away too.

I think it's time to focus on my existing loyal friends that I met through my own efforts and also to make new friends..

Thissss!

Think of it as a wardrobe purge or general decluttering after a house move. Onwards and upwards.

Yes of course friends will inevitably drift away but I think it very much DOES matter who controls the narrative in terms of resolving the op’s hurt about the situation. And that in turn will help her move on and trust again and make new friends.

Her ex hasn’t done anything wrong by being gay of course and there are many societal reasons why men and women might be confused about their sexuality, but ultimately op was deceived in a fundamental and profound manner and her ex should be doing everything he can to put that right and help her move on. Instead he is making up a false story to make himself feel better.

And I should add, if he is controlling the narrative and they were his friends originally, of course what he says will influence the friends’s actions towards op.