Hello
Just want to pour my heart out really, really don't know what to do any more.
I am 37 and married to a 61 year old man. We met when i was 18 and have been together ever since 15 years of marriage this year !.
we always got on really well, same interests, had a great laugh.
4 years ago we had a dd, who is the light of our lives, tried despaeratly hard for number 2 - but 1st dh had probelms, then when he was finally sorted out, i found that i wasn't producing eggs (very expensive IVF failed) and was heading for a premature menopause.
Guess trying for another baby and 3 years of fertility traetment didn't help, plus knowing that I will never have another baby makes me really sad.
we have spent the last 4 years bickering over silly things, often when we were trying for number 2 , on my 'fertile' day we would have an argument, and he would say things like - I could forget about ever having another baby - or bringing another child into the house, and I would be really stressed as it was my 1 day per month that we should have sex, and we were arguing
I set myself up in business after my dd was born, as I didnt want to go back to work, I was so sucessful, that I was running a house home, full time mum and business,
Dh hated his work, kept on all the time about how miserable he was there, so in the end I told him, if he was that unhappy to leave, I could support us both.
Not sure where the idea came from, but he decided to leave his work , and come into business with me (we work from home).
I was really worried when this happened, as I like my space, and my time alone, but as he was so unhappy I agreed to it.
We recently moved to a new area, where I have made loads of lovely friends - though not the type who you can pour your heart out to iyswim -
anyway last year, dh left his job and became a director of the company, the biggest mistake of my life.
I did it to make him happy, but in doing so its made us both miserable.
he helps with the business, and does his share around the house, but he doesn't take on the full responsibility of the business.
he has made frinds - by going to the pub once a week, but he says he doesn't want to go and mix with 'old men'
He doesn't go out anywhere, every day hes at home, if I put the morning tv on he walks past and under his breath mutters 'crap' , if i go into my bedroom (we have seperate bedrooms) he comes in to see where i am, hes just there constantly hanging around.
To get away from him, Im always out with our DD, when I told him this, that I went out to get away from him, he called me a selfish bitch.
I have my girl friends round, and hes there on the sofa beside me.
He said to me in an argument that he knew that he wasn't wanted there - but it was his house to, and why should he have to go out, because I want my friends round with their kids.
We don't sleep together any more, he is spiteful and vindictive to me, and virtually every day i end up tears because i don't know how to cope with the situation.
Everyday we have an argument about something.
usually the business - I will settle down to play with my DD - the phone will ring - someone wants advice, or wants to place an order - he automatically hands the phone to me. When i ask him to deal with it - he gets shirty - mainly because he can't - hes not that interested in the business, just loves telling everyone hes a director.
Its affecting our DD, she is coming out with the same phrases as my Dh.
Im dreading september, my dd starts school, and at the moment i go out most days with her to get away from him, but soon that will dry up to, as all my friends will be going back to work.
What do i do, how do i cope with working and living with a man, 24/7 who at the moment i frankly dislike, I don't even know if i love him any more. 1 person could handle the business, when dd is back at school, make i should go out to work, but dh couldn't run the business, and why should i - its my business not his.
please give some answers, as i don't know how much longer i can cope with this situation.
depressed, angry, hurt evey single day. I used to love life, but I don't like it at the moment, and i really don't like him.
I just wish he would go out !!