What to do

[Tx1]

Hi everyone, I’ve been with my partner for 2 years now. We have a baby on the way and I have a son from a previous relationship, however the relationship is horrible and I don’t know why I’m not out of it it’s so hard I just don’t know what to do he is a very angry person I have messages saved on my phone of him telling me he’s going to kill me or for me to kill myself and calls me all the names under the sun! I also have pictures of bruises he’s gave me He even shouts and throws stuff at me infront of my son and he is just so horrible today I had a hospital appointment and because it was in the morning he woke up and kicked off calling me and saying ‘I’m only going to the appointment because I’m attention seeking’ it was a gtt appointment as my bmi is over 30 and like every morning if he gets woken up he will come downstairs shouting the house down but I have a 4 year old son so he expects us both to be silent until he is ready to wake up. I’m just scared to tell the police or woman’s aid incase social services get involved and they take my children off me but I don’t think I can stay with him anymore it is my house and when he eventually leaves he will come back banging on the doors and windows shouting.

The only reason social services would take your kids is if you continue to stay with an abuser.

Go to the police, like, yesterday ffs.

When they take him in, have your locks changed so he can't come back.

You also to get your child into therapy. Much of his young life has already been marred by abuse. Personality disorders such as bpd and npd can be formed as a result of trauma at a young age. You don't want him turning out as horrible as his dad.

You don't want to get rid of one bully from your home, only to find him replaced by another you never expected in a decades time.

See about therapy for yourself too, to help you recover from abuse. And do the freedom programme online.

Ps: he is not abusive because he is angry. He is angry because he is abusive.

His rage is deliberate, to scare and intimidate you. It's a control tactic.

Prosecute him if the police say its possible.
He will try to threaten you. Report that too.Do not back down. He means you harm and you've seen first hand that playing nice never you safe for long. You have to show you will accept police help.

If he threatens to harm himself, you don't reply. You simply call the ambulance services and tell them the situation. And that it may just be manipulation. They can decide to attend and if he is bullshitting or not. And he will be charged with wasting their time if he is. And he won't pull that bs again.

Ideally though once he is gone, he'll be told to stay away from you and you can block him. I'd try to go for full custody if I were you. Easier said than done of course.

But thr best thing for your child is to see how mother leave bullies. To be told that we do not stay with people who abuse us. And to have one safe home with a happy mother that he can retreat to even if he does have to keep seeing his dad from time to time.

Never allow him to be in your home again btw. Or one with you. Do any pick up or drop off of the kid in a public place. Ideally get a friend ir family member to do it if possible.

Tbh thr man belongs in jail. I sincerely hope you and the police manage to put him there.

If the kid isn't his, even better.

Once he's out you never need to respond to him again :)

But stay single for a while and do plenty of work on how to spot abusers for several years before dating again.

Kick him out, and start living in peace with both your children. It'll be so much better, you shouldn't be expected to live in fear.

I wouldn't think of another relationship, just focus on your children.