Riddled with anxiety and can't function

[BlastedPimples]

I cannot function today. I feel so stressed and anxious. Breathless. Tight scalp. Thudding headache. Gurgling in my upper chest. Zero energy. Head full of spinning thoughts. Totally unproductive. Unable to plan or focus.

I feel very alone. I wake up anxious. I wake up in the night anxious. I go to bed anxious. There's no respite.

I have been like this since October 2022 when my stbexh assaulted me. When will it end? I feel like my teeth are half the size they were with my grinding them at night.

We are getting divorced yet he minimises his violence at every opportunity. Long marriage. 4 dcs all refusing to see stbxh because his abusive behaviour towards them - mostly verbal but terrifying. They saw and heard his violence towards me and are so troubled by it all. 😞

The thought of having to speak to him or deal with him ever again really sets me off in physical reaction. I hate it.

I have found a pt job which unfortunately is also a lot of stress.

I can't get financially independent quickly at all. Which means we are going to face big problems with housing etc. Every purchase however minor is stressful. I just won't be able to cover costs like for example this car we bought on the never never. Both of our names are on the contract despite my not having a job at the time. I have to pay for it each month, its resale value won't cover what is left to repay on it so if I get rid of it, I will be carless and still paying for it.

I can't function. Can't think. Can't breathe properly. Today I took the day off work because I am so worried about where the dcs and I will end up. We could very well end up homeless because I can't cover our living costs and stbexh is a high earner, has accrued loads of debt without my knowledge and is being hardcore in the divorce. There's nothing left money wise. I don't know what he's done with everything. He was very aggressive re my questions about our finances.

I can see no way out. No way forward. What the hell do I do? Is it possible to be full of anxiety and worry forever? I wish I could fast forward ten years because although I could be destitute at least the dcs will have grown up and be on their way out of this mess.

I genuinely don't know how to put one foot in front of the other at the moment. I've never known feelings like this. It's almost a paralysis - physical and mental. I can't imagine being free.

How has today been op. Much the same?

I am also a sexual abuse survivor who has struggled with a lot of anxiety.

For my daily anxiety, the only thing that has kept me functioning the last few weeks is breathwork. It's another word for breathing exercises, I think. I do the video 'nervous system reset breathwork' on YouTube as soon as I wake up.

I think that you and I are both stuck in a panic state due to trauma, our bodies feel like we are constantly in danger and we need to be on allert. This video helps me to get out of that panic state.

Long-term I think both of us will need a combination of breathwork/mindfulness/grounding, maybe medication, and trauma therapy.

I can relate all too well with what you are going through and hope my suggestion helps you - it's helped me out of a dark place recently.

I've heard EDMR is really helpful. I will check for local practitioners.

I've not heard of breath work. I will have a look at these.