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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Divorcing and need help

7 replies

Baffers100 · 10/07/2023 11:33

Hi all,

Really hoping I can get some help and support here. I am really struggling to find a "pleasehelpIamtryingtodivorce" forum!

I told my husband last October I wanted a divorce. I won't go in to reasons here because that's by the by. We decided to mediate to agree childcare and financial matters. We each met with a mediator after months of my husband dragging his heels and delaying the process. Well he didn't like the mediator and refused to co-operate.

In May of this year we each had a separate appointment with another mediator as I'd prefer this to work than go down the court order route. He's had a month since to book a joint mediation appointment and hasn't. He always uses the kids as an excuse- he's been too busy over the weekend for example looking after the kids (even in instances they are with me over the weekend).

Mentally I just need some progress. I feel so stuck. I have had three months sleeping on an airbed in the fourth room/ my home office. Month 4 I upgraded the airbed to a sofa bed. I am stuck living in this room with a man who won't cooperate. I feel mentally very low, physically my body aches. I see no way out of this and no way forward. I am trapped and have days where I feel nothing at all and then the tears come. I am very conscious this is harming me mentally and I don't want the kids to pick up on it. I don't want to feel like shit anymore either.

He doesn't want to divorce until next summer (the kids will be at school together which gets rid of the logistical challenge of them being in two different establishments 40 minutes apart). I can't do that- I have had enough. Everything from him feels like a delaying tactic.
All I can do is basically nag him to get the mediation sorted which doesn't help the atmosphere at home and then it just creates more tension and stress at home.

Can I apply for a divorce now or do we need to get some stuff sorted via mediation? Is anybody else trying to divorce a non-responsive millstone?

OP posts:
chocobaby · 10/07/2023 11:58

I don’t know if this helps but I divorced on my own. The ex lives abroad. I did it here in England using the new no fault divorce. I think if they don’t respond within an amount of time, the process continues. I didn’t use lawyers etc cos I didn’t want anything from my ex. My kids are grown l- I’ve got a 20 yo and a 16 yo and I have a great job.
He would have totally dragged his feet. Get on the UK gov website and have a look, I’m sure you’ll find some info.
it’s simply delay tactics to suit his own agenda. Please don’t let this man grind you down any further than he has. File it on your own and get on with your life.

Baffers100 · 10/07/2023 16:24

Thank you @chocobaby .
We have a 3 year old and 7 year old. If it wasn't for them I'd just move out. This is literally suffocating me. Everything moves slowly and he isn't helping.

OP posts:
LadyJ2023 · 10/07/2023 16:33

That's what solicitors are for. I didnt bother with mediation never heard of it working well from friends anyway solicitor and 9 months later divorced

Mama678 · 10/07/2023 16:35

Go ahead with divorce. If thats not been applied for yet, he probably thinks your bluffing

Baffers100 · 10/07/2023 18:36

He should know I'm not by now!
Hope you don't mind me asking but did you have a mortgage and children too or was yours a bit more straight forward?

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 10/07/2023 19:48

You don’t need his agreement to divorce

you can file yourself and get it started
he can chose to engage or not, but if he does t ultimately a judge would decide on finances and he’s be advised to not let it come to that

EmmW14 · 22/08/2023 22:07

Sorry I’m a bit late to this one but I saw this whilst looking for advice and thought this might help you. If you want to go down the court route, this might help you with what to do - http://iamlip.com/ it’s a bunch of free help guides on the process of divorce. It might give some information on what to do as I’m pretty sure you can just start the process without your partner. Also do what’s best for you. Sooner is better than later and only you know when the best time is for you and your kids. You’ll be okay xxx keep going

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