Is it normal to be a bit jealous/annoyed about this?

[overitunderit]

I've got a friend who I met at a baby class a year or so ago and who we've since had lots of meet ups and family play dates. They are always fun- with wine and nibbles whilst the kids play.

Last year I had a Christmas party where I invited this friend and her DH and kids and some other friends, none of whom she knew. One of the friends I invited is a new friend- I had only met up with her a couple of times. Let's call her friend 2.

Fast forward a couple of weeks and I met up with friend 2 in the park who had been at the party and usual chit chat what are you doing at the weekend etc and she goes "oh we are meeting up with [friend 1] tomorrow actually". I was surprised but let it go but since then it seems these two women have met up multiple times (I know this because friend 1 often now refers to friend 2 when I see her). There has been one evening where we all went out together but other than that we see friend 1 and her family on our own and we haven't been invited to mutual meet ups all together.

I've asked friend 1 what she is doing this weekend and she says oh friend 2 is coming over- you can join us if you want. I've accepted the invite.

Is it normal to feel a bit jealous/put out by this relationship when I was the one who introduced them and since then their friendship has suddenly developed and I'm sort of the third friend somehow! I still see friend 1 but I feel like she's sort of shown me her true colours by sort of going behind my back with my other woman. She didn't text me and say "oh I really got on with friend 2 at the party I'm going to drop her a message" or "shall we organise a drink all together?" She's just sort of gone off and started this friendship without ever acknowledging me.

I suspect I'm probably massively overthinking and I do actually have some issues with low self esteem in friendships but is it normal to feel a bit hurt? I think it's tapping into one of my fears about friendships which is that people will lose interest in me if I introduce them to other people.

Hmm yes I think I would be a bit put out by this too.

but if they’ve met and they get on well then that’s great for them! But doesn’t stop you feeling this way, I understand x

I think that I would feel the same. It’s probably an esteem thing? But, you have been invited at the weekend to join them- this is nice. X

I’d be put out too

I'd be a bit upset or hurt too. But my way of dealing with it would be to just leave them to it. Not necessarily the right way of dealing with it, but just what I would do!

Yeah I disagree, I don’t think as you introduced them it means they need to always include you or seek your permission. They are allowed to be friends in their own right and see each other without you.

i understand you feel jealous and excluded. But that doesn’t mean they are doing something wrong, you can’t control other peoples friendships or social life simply as you were friends first or introduced them.

Also to add, you still see friend one on your own, nothing has changed, just she also sees friend 2. As said, you cannot control her social life or want her to seek your permission or decide as you introduced them they can’t be friends if you aren’t invited.

Oh this exact same scenario happened to me 7 years ago when I had DS. The two ladies are still friends to this day and though I’m friendly with them, they’re definitely really good friends. Didn’t really think much of it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Had the same thing! I found it a bit weird initially tbh but actually really like hanging out the 3 of us and I can see why they have become good friends as they're very similar.

I am generally too tired running about after small people to care about stuff like this 😂

It's understandable to feel a bit hurt, but at the same time I think you have to accept it.

I still see friend 1 but I feel like she's sort of shown me her true colours by sort of going behind my back with my other woman.
I don't know if this is tongue in cheek but it's obviously massively unreasonable to expect Friend 1 to be exclusively your friend & not make or see new friends without you.

I can absolutely understand that it would be less hurtful if they'd made their meet ups a threesome & you were invited. It's a bit strange why this hasn't been the natural way the 3 friendships have progressed.

Do you still see friend 2?

OP posted this in JULY and hasn't been back. Not sure why it's been resurrected

Argh!! Caught out by a zombie!