Trigger warning *** Sexual assault ******* My friend and her behaviour.

[suchsadnessrepeated]

I do not have the correct terms or any experience In this area so can i firstly say that in case , I say the ' wrong ' thing.
My friend was raped ten years ago.
She was raped by a man known to her who was eventually convicted when he was also convicted of raping others. He is in prison now.

I've know my friend for most of my life.
I have noticed that in the last 5/6 years, she has become different in her attitudes to men, sex, monogamy and has lots of problems in relationships.
For example, she has had many affairs with married men and then is invariably dumped.

She tells these stories about men constantly pursuing her and ringing her and. Having work affairs with them.
In each of the relationships she has had since the attack, she keeps in constant contact with her exes and often sleeps with them. This is so unlike her previously.
These men are nearly always in relationships. She has recently got an STI but doesn't know the origin.
I am sick with worry. It will only end up badly and she has therapy now w and again but nothing regular.

It is as if she lives in this world of romance and fiction where great dramatic gestures of lust and Love happen to her every day.... except they don't . It's like she imagines them but really believes they're happening .
So if a man comes into her work to ask for guidance on an issue ... he fancies her/ undresses her with his eyes/ asks her out/ follows her on social media etc etc.

I am so worried. I don't know who she is any more and has lost a lovely man because of all of this talk and imaginary world that she lives in .
What can I do. What's gone wrong here ? Thanks

Bless her, she needs help asap.
equally you have to want to help yourself first.
Id try approaching her firstly and discussing this with her, say you’re worried.

Unfortunately you can do nothing. Hypersexualisation of oneself is sometimes (not always) a trauma response.

I'm simplifying this a little, but basically sometimes our brains try to deal with trauma by putting it into a new context. One of the worst, if not THE worst, experience of her life is associated with someone sexually abusing her body. Without therapy, this is bound to wrap one's perception of their own body, their self-worth, their relationships and how others perceive them

If you think about it, her mind is doing mental gymnastics because it still perceives all men as predators going after her body, but tries to re-contextualise it as these men being enamoured with her (replacing genuine fear of threat with something positive). By engaging in these affairs she is also (sort of) in control of her body - something that was taken from her when she was attacked.

Agree with the above comment, it is a trauma response. Excessive risk-seeking behaviours (in this case putting her into potentially unsafe sexual situations frequently) is a form of self-harm also, perhaps she feels this is all she "deserves"?
She needs regular counselling from a rape/SA charity.