How to afford to separate?

[Magicbeef]

If you have separated/divorced, how did you manage it financially, especially if doing 50/50 with kids?

We live in the SE and trying to get our heads around how to have two family houses when one is expensive enough, especially at the moment! Any and all ideas welcome - we are pretty amicable, no one else involved and would consider nesting or any other creative solution.

I am the higher earner but both on fairly decent (but not massive) salaries and kids are early teens. Sometimes it seems that the only solution is to stay together until the kids are grown up, but I think it would be better for everyone if we could work something out sooner.

The fact is that divorce makes you poorer and you may not be able to afford two "family houses". You may be able to afford one house and one flat or even two flats. It all depends on what you have - the pot will only stretch so far.

Thanks @KPops22 , we would consider all of those, I’m just wondering how others did it when it’s a question of sharing childcare equally - I should have said ‘homes’ not ‘houses’ as a flat would be fine but you need something big enough so kids can live there half the time (unless nesting, eg, but not sure how sustainable that is longer term).

We have two small flats. I would be cautious about nesting. I thought that's the way it would work with us, but once I had the pleasure of my own space I didn't want to share it. One of the best things about living apart is organising and decorating just as I like without H encroaching in any way. Just something to consider.

I have a 3 bed place, so the kids each have a room even though DS (20) doesn't live here. He stays over sometimes and will be here for Christmas and I thought it was important he knew he still had a home to come back to.

Thank you @howtocope, this is really helpful. Yes I have my concerns about nesting too. It doesn’t feel like a separation, really, in the sense of getting your own space.

how did you find the process of downsizing, for you and kids?

I went from 3500 sq ft to 1500 sg ft, so it's been a big change. We had a massive clear out when we sold the family home and I've spent a lot of time on Pinterest looking at clever storage. I ended up buying a new build flat, which was a change, but the bathrooms and floorplan are flexible and have worked well. It's actually a 4 bed flat. All the bedrooms are small but the 4th bedroom is tiny. I turned it into a walk in closet that DD and I share, which means no wardrobes in the bedrooms increasing the space available in them. It's a good use of the space which would barely fit a single bed, and has worked very well.

It's a different way of living for sure. No more stocking up on items as there's no space for it. No holding on to something just in case I might need it in the future. The trade off is how much happier DD and I both are. Still navigating the situation with H, but having this space that's just mine (H doesn't even have a key) is wonderful.

Thank you so much @KPops22 - this is really helpful to read.

Any other experiences v welcome!

Aaaah that is on the wrong thread somehow!

I've asked for my post to be removed, apologies it was posted on the wrong thread

I moved to a much cheaper area and bought a doer-upper so that I could have the space I needed.

You work out what it costs to live where you are or want to be living and run the figures against your income and assets.
You downsize and move away if necessary, increase your income and/or decrease expenditures. You get help from family or borrow from the banks.