Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I expecting too much?

2 replies

Twotoddlermum · 10/07/2023 08:14

Hi everyone,

Bit of background, me & my partner have been together 10 years we have two children DS 4 & DD 2.

Hes a fantastic dad to our kids, is helpful around the house we generally don’t argue, we bicker as most couples do but nothing major.

He betrayed me 2 years ago, I found out he had been messaging women on a secret Instagram account & was subscribed to only fans. He told me he hadn’t been happy, didn’t find me attractive anymore and basically had settled. I was heartbroken. We went to couples therapy together & individually, he says he’s happier than ever and had a massive wake up call.

I still struggle sometimes thinking about what happened and I don’t think I can ever truly get past the hurt he caused. He came off all social media in a bid to show me he had changed, he says he fancies me and loves me more than anything but I just don’t feel the same way about him.

I recently had to speak to him about his personal hygiene, something I’ve never had to do. He said it’s just laziness and he will sort it out (which he has) he knows I’m not 100% happy and says I need to think about whether I want to be with him anymore. The kids absolutely adore him, they are both all for him and can be hard for me on a normal day let alone if we split.

We are very distant at the moment, we haven’t been intimate in weeks as I just don’t want too. I feel like it’s the end of the road but I’m terrified of it destroying my two kids. I don’t know if this is just how relationships go after this amount of time, am I expecting too much from this relationship? I feel very confused, I don’t want to keep talking to my friends about it as it’s been spoken about a lot over the last 2 years.

I don’t know what I’m asking I guess I’m wondering if anyone’s been through similar, did you leave? Did you stay, did it work? I feel so down at the moment. Thanks for reading x

OP posts:
Dacquoises · 10/07/2023 08:28

That's a huge amount of betrayal he's expecting you to get over isn't it and when you were pregnant with your youngest? Some things once said can't be unsaid so no wonder you're struggling with this. Poor you. You are not expecting too much but perhaps need some more therapy on your own to unpick this.

I found friends not much help when I decided to split with my ex husband because they brought their stuff to the table ie their insecurities about their own marriages so got a lot of unhelpful advice. One even blurted out that I was mad to give up my husband's large salary! Not helpful. Therapists provide a safe space to work on YOUR feelings.

Only you can decide what you want to do and it seems like guilt about your children is holding you back. Your husband wasn't thinking about them when he did what he did was he? Don't stay for the children, better a happy mother than one putting on a show for the 'family'.

Dacquoises · 10/07/2023 08:29

I got the ick very early on in my marriage because of my husband's selfish behaviour. It didn't get any better.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page