Depressed about being single

[Nohoping]

Here I am, aged 39, single and lonely.

I’ve had a full life where I’ve achieved everything. Job, home, travel, friends, family, hobbies - the lot. Yet no loving partner to share it with, to come home to, and start a family with.

I am so depressed and lonely, it is destroying my soul and life. I am so miserable and jaded, after I caught my last boyfriend cheating.

I’m a good person with much to give.

Why can’t I meet someone. The dating apps are horrendous and I’ve only ever met men who are clearly looking for sex.

I don’t meet anyone in real life now and all my colleagues are women.

I’m wondering whether to have a baby on my own, as I have supportive family, but I’m still on my own and extremely alone.

I don’t want what to do with my life. I feel so much is on hold, as I wanted a partner and a family.

Help anyone.

Oh, and I'm not lonely without a man, reframe it - I find it peaceful, freeing and bliss.

Have you posted about this under a different name a few days ago Op?

Start with The Donor Conception Network.

There are also Facebook groups for solo mums by choice.

It’s something you need to be very informed about. And whatever the emotive issues, and believe me I understand how emotive it is, your age IS pertinent. Though plenty of women use donor eggs and are very happy.

I actually agree with this so much. I am in my 40s and my marriage is just ending. I never expected to be raising 2 kids by myself. It's early days yet but I can already see where I will be a lot happier single. And my STBXH is one of the better ones! No OW, volunteered to pay adequate maintenance and have the kids 50/50.

In your shoes I would focus on having a child alone if you want one. There is no guarantee that you'll find someone before time runs out to have a child or that the relationship will stand the test of time either. You have all the time in the world to have a relationship (or two!). You have a few years to have a baby.

Just wanted to say I feel exactly the same OP. I have just turned 40 and I'm in exactly the same position and I feel so sad. I really don't want to have children alone but it's impossible to meet anyone. I have had no luck OLD and never meet anyone in real life. It feels impossible. I feel completely unlovable and alone.

Huh. I was happily single until I had my first relationship. Then I wanted a partner so badly after breaking up.Didn't miss what I never had.

IME few PEOPLE, are capable of deep emotional connection. Full stop. Not men. Not women. Nobody.

So if you leave that aside. For the practical purposes. Someone to whom you are a priority, who will hug you when you're sad and whom you can talk to aboit your day. That's the point of a relationship.

Again I'm not advocating staying in a relationship just because ,but to make 'deep emotional connection' the main point is incredibly privileged. It's very complex.

Also @arethereanyleftatall I'm bisexual, which is why I said..women IME don't have a greater capacity for deep emotional connection.
It's not just men. Partner is gender neutral after all.

I'm happy with my husband now. But I did not expect to meet him....

I met someone and got married at 40. I already had an adult son from marriage number 1.
The marriage lasted 20 years, so it wasn't forever, we discussed children but he was 100% infertile. Not a single swimmer when tested but I wasn't that bothered.
When I went out looking for a relationship I didn't bother going on dating sites, you just don't know what those men want or who they are, I prefer to meet people face to face.
I went to everything I was invited too, volunteered to help with everything, really got myself out there even if I didn't feel like going out that day.
The day I met him was at an event I did not want to attend and my car had broken down that morning and I'd had to get a new battery. But I made myself go and that was it. Two years later we were married.

I'd say go for it and have a baby in your own. I had DD in my 40s via a brief fling and whilst we did try to make it work it was clear we weren't compatible.

In hindsight I wish I'd done it on my own from the get go. I was like you at 39... great job, house, friends and family. But no one to share it with. Now as a single mum I find that I'm perfectly happy in my own. What I'd been looking for was a baby. I am at peace being alone as I have a child. I know DD will soon move out to forge her own way in life and I'm ok with that. I've never had a LTR so maybe I don't know what I'm missing but I honestly don't feel like I'm missing out on anything.

Maybe when I'm truly alone I'll sort myself out and get a partner. But I'm in no rush and from where I'm standing I can't see the benefit of having a man in my life.

I would go on more reputable dating sites. The ones where you have to pay to join. You would be amazed how paying £80 cuts out all the riff-raff. I would take up any friends offers on setting you up with single friends. It’s not too late.

I’m wondering whether to have a baby on my own, as I have supportive family, but I’m still on my own and extremely alone.

There's a poster on here who has done just that. I'll try to tag her, if I can remember the name correctly.

@arthurium

OP if you have a good support network of family and friends then do try doing it alone if having a child is what you desire. In the same breathe, not having a good support network around you then you may struggle with the loneliness and isolation unfortunately. I'm a lone parent not by choice and the lack of support, life on hold, no opportunity to do anything other than go to work then come home and parent day in day out can be very hard to deal with.