so uncomfortable with letting husband see my body

[weightstrugglinmum]

Hi all,
Just looking for any words of wisdom/advice here.
Post kids and a long history of disordered relationship with food, I'm in a bad place with how I view my body. I want to loose weight but mentally it's very challenging at the moment. I'm so uncomfortable with the idea of my husband seeing me naked or touching me, because of my weight gain and how my body has changed, I feel totally unsexy.

Husband still tries to offer me massages etc occasionally, but our physical contact is generally at a total minimum,unless he's just trying to feel me up on occasion, which doesn't really help.

I'm just wondering if anyone has experienced something similar and how they were able to overcome this in any shape or form.

Thank you.

I don't like my husband seeing me naked. I have awful boobs and I hate them so much. So when we're having some adult time 😉, I usually wear some lingerie that covers them and my tummy. Makes me much more relaxed about it.

Hello,
I could have written this, you sound exactly how I feel and my relationship is v.similar, although a lot of it is also down to feeling resentful for years towards my husband for his lack of care/involvement with household chores and parenting. But yes, I feel awful about my body and can't stand him seeing me naked or touching my fat belly, I can't understand why he would want to. Just wanted to say hi and send solidarity to you.

Hi there,

Thank you, what you mentioned about the resentment you have towards your partner also totally resonates with me. I could have written that! I feel we take one step forward, three steps back in my overall resentment towards him, which then makes it alot harder to even try and feel good about myself. I also feel that as he's (probably not!) The cheating type, I'm his only option in that department, so that doesn't make me feel great either.

It's not so much about your body, then, is it. It's the relationship.

DP and I are in our 50s and the waistlines and the jawlines have fallen to the ravages of middle age. Wrinkles and sprouting hairs in odd places, sagging guts and flatulence. But we're both relieved and grateful to see each other naked (a bit blurry without glasses) as it means we're both still alive (unlike some of our cohort) .

What you can do about the relationship is another matter, as it takes two. So apologies if this isn't helpful but ... I guess it saves you spending all your free time at the gym? I guess you could run off with a personal trainer but that's just going to yield different problems

I agree with @Paperbagsaremine. DP and I are of an age where we are both simply grateful to be able to hold each other (creakily) and laugh that the other one finds us attractive still (saggy bits on both, DP muscles going after decades where physical jobs previously kept him bulky, my multiple-children-multiple-bars-of-chocolate wobbly bits, white hairs, grey hairs, ear hair etc).

When I was younger, and technically much better-looking than now, I was so uncomfortable being intimate with men, I’d try and have sheet over me or do it mostly in the dark…my DP showed me he found me very simply, beautiful. He strokes my skin, or holds my bum (which I think is huge/saggy/cellulitey), he helped show me my focus had been on unimportant things. After all, I still think he’s gorgeous so I should believe him that he does me!

You are a beautiful human and you deserve to let yourself feel that.

That final sentence brought a lot if tears to my eyes, thank you @StMarysTrainee