Exh and how he parents our dc

[Bobby224]

Been divorced for 6 years now and 2 primary age dc
They go to their Dads every week, over the years he has not used any or incorrect car seats for them, allowed them to watch films with an older rating ie 12s at age 5 but the violent marvel type ones, also play older video games that are rated 18s. There’s more to my list but would be outing. But more of how my dc are not being kept safe.
He’s set up my dd9 with her own youtube account to post videos of herself which is something I have repeatedly said I don’t want for them, want to keep them away from social media and screens as long as possible, would rather they sit together and watch a movie or a tv prog.
With this account I can see adults have commented on her videos swearing etc this has only been active 3 days.
I don’t know what to do about this , I get sneared at and told I’m over reacting anything I bring up. I get told I’m over protective. Is this a safeguarding issue that I could bring up with school or something? I’m not sure what to do and I’m sick to my stomach that my kids are not being kept safe and cared for properly. Thanks

Bump

It's not safeguarding sorry OP.

It's different parenting. I don't agree with his parenting but he has the right to make those decisions when they're with him.

It absolutely is a potential safeguarding issue. A 9 year old girl is being allowed to post videos to YouTube and adults are being allowed to comment? What sort of parental controls are in place? What sort of content is she posting? Is he monitoring things? Has she got unsupervised access to chat?

We get weekly emails from school about online safety and from the OP has said about her EXH it doesn’t sound like he’s going to be proactive in keeping his DD safe.

OP, speak to the safeguarding lead at school. He won’t be the first ex being a dick.

It may be an online safety issue but it's not safeguarding in terms of it being a safeguarding action to stop contact. And actually as her dad he can allow the youtube videos and there isn't anything that anyone can do about it. What do you think a school could do? It doesn't meet any SS intervention threshold. It's poor decision making but as he has parental responsibility he's exercising that right.

I see, I think I’m just at the end of my rope with trying to explain how I’m worried about the kids being exposed to stuff online. I’m not sure what to do, I thought involving school would give him a kick up the bum to realise it’s serious and that I’m serious and that I’m I’m not just having a nag for the sake of it.
Such a tricky situation to navigate and this is the man who couldn’t care less about the kids when we were together and couldn’t be less interested in parenting and home life. I feel as if he’s trying to be the ‘cool’ and ‘fun’ parent.

He said he will be monitoring it but already there’s adults commenting with swear words. It’s an adult community in the thing she’s posting about without being too outing. So it’s mostly adults who are interested in it.

In that case, definitely speak to school. The fact he’s Disney Dadding it means he is going to be blinkered to possible threats and the danger there is that something will have to happen before he pays attention and by that point, your DD will have been exposed to something that she shouldn’t have been.

What sort of activity is it is it mainly blokes? I wouldn’t be keen on a 9yr old posting online to any mainly adult community, but if it’s mainly blokes online then absolutely not. Has your daughter read the comments?

Have a talk with her about online safety (if you don’t know about tech stuff, don’t worry about not knowing and start finding out about it. If they’re playing games, get them yourself so you know how they work. Things like Minecraft and Roblox have chat options and they’re effectively playing with the whole world if their accounts aren’t set up correctly). No joining people on Discord etc, no friends unless you know who the other person is and have met them in person and most importantly, let her know that whatever anyone may say to her online, no-one can hurt her or her family etc (threatening to kill family members is a great way to scare children into doing things). I never give mine into trouble if they’ve done something they shouldn’t ie friended someone. I just block people and remind DC that not everyone online is who they say they are.

It may sound melodramatic, but you’ve got to know about these things. You have to know where the danger lies so you can stop it happening. Chances are it will never happen, but you lock your door at night to stop someone robbing you during the night.

Slightly different situation, but we had a guy that used to live in our town visit from time to time. He had an interest in local history etc and was welcomed by a few folk, especially one family who happened to have children under 10. Turns out he was a convicted child abusing ex-copper. Someone warned the family and showed them evidence of his conviction and time served in prison. They still were reluctant to condemn him. He’d groomed the parents. So, your DH saying he’ll monitor things, he’s already starting from a weak position as he’s in the “All this danger round every corner nonsense” place. Paedophiles will know the signs. They know who doesn’t have good protections. He’s got his 9 year old daughter online in a mainly adult community.

How interested in it is she? Is she likely to get bored of it anytime soon?

Totally agree with @Lolapusht
OP you might want to save some screenshots now for evidence just in case exh blocks you or deletes posts to hide things