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Original poster

Is it acceptable?

11 replies

JMKDespair · 09/07/2023 08:57

Hello I am new here, mother to a 2 Yr old.

Can I ask is it ever acceptable for a father to stay in bed and never wake up with the mother and child?

My LO wakes anywhere between 5.30am to 6am. He, the father refuses to get out of bed and do anything to help in the mornings until he surfaces approx 8.30-9.30am depending on the day!

He is 52 and and I feel like whatever the excuse he is taking the p*#@! I am exhausted and don't know what to say to get this behaviour to change & believe me I've tried!

I havent slept a full night's sleep or had a lay in since the day she was born and I am at breaking point as I have no support / network and could really do with some helpful suggestions.

He is incredibly old fashioned and not an active hands on father - as each day passes I am growing more and more resentful toward him and now considering a single parent life!

OP posts:
Ofcourseshecan · 09/07/2023 09:09

Sorry to hear this, OP. Does he work nights or do shifts, and can he change this? Can you take daytime naps when LO sleeps? If your partner can’t do mornings he needs to do his share and let you sleep at some other time.

Iminpatchinghell · 09/07/2023 09:11

He hasn’t done a morning in two years?!! You know this isn’t right OP. He clearly doesn’t think he needs to do anything with his child.
is he a good father otherwise?

Original poster
JMKDespair · 09/07/2023 09:39

No he doesn't work shifts or nights!

No he doesn't do anything that allows me to sleep at other times. And I work 3 days a week so can't sleep when she does.

He complains / argues and tells me that the routine that I try to stick to is so strict it is what is making him be despondent to parenting! Which is a joke as he has done little the whole time!

Thanks for your replies - I know this isn't right! I just don't know what else to say or do to tackle this!

Erm is he a good father otherwise - he has little actual parenting skills, but plays nicely with her. But no not good at meals, naps, structure, order, discipline or chaing nappies. Hasn't ever taken her out on his own or done anything with her on his own!

His behaviour of late is making me feel that he is just a shit partner!

OP posts:
SpringleDingle · 09/07/2023 09:46

That’s a BAD father. Of course it’s not right or fair.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/07/2023 09:52

"Erm is he a good father otherwise - he has little actual parenting skills, but plays nicely with her".

Your own bar for a good father here is set at bargain basement level. He plays nicely with her. Really?!!!. That is all you can write about him and its frankly pathetic. He is both a shit partner and father to his child. I would also seek counselling to work out exactly why you chose him of all men to become your child's father, let alone get into a relationship with.

How old are you compared to him?.

No point in explaining to him because he knows and does not care; plan your exit from this with due care and attention. Better to be on your own with your child than to be so badly accompanied.

Original poster
JMKDespair · 09/07/2023 10:14

AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/07/2023 09:52

"Erm is he a good father otherwise - he has little actual parenting skills, but plays nicely with her".

Your own bar for a good father here is set at bargain basement level. He plays nicely with her. Really?!!!. That is all you can write about him and its frankly pathetic. He is both a shit partner and father to his child. I would also seek counselling to work out exactly why you chose him of all men to become your child's father, let alone get into a relationship with.

How old are you compared to him?.

No point in explaining to him because he knows and does not care; plan your exit from this with due care and attention. Better to be on your own with your child than to be so badly accompanied.

You sound like the voice of my mother!

Tha ka for your comments / opinions! It is appreciated!

OP posts:
Original poster
JMKDespair · 09/07/2023 10:14

Thank you!

OP posts:
StMarysTrainee · 09/07/2023 10:22

It’s not old-fashioned, it’s just bad parenting using an excuse you are falling for! My father would be 110 years old now, he changed our nappies, fed us once breastfeeding was over, did the school run anything that the family needed as my parents were equal. My DP is 70 and did the same. My exH many years ago on the other hand never bathed wee one, never got up in night or early morning, never showed he respected me as doing an incredibly hard (though yes amazing) job.

I seriously suggest you sit down and firmly discus’s expectations are changing as you do not feel valued and you are being utterly taken for granted. He may take the warning and change. But this is not actually a good Dad, or a good partner.

GoodChat · 09/07/2023 10:32

Erm is he a good father otherwise - he has little actual parenting skills, but plays nicely with her. But no not good at meals, naps, structure, order, discipline or chaing nappies. Hasn't ever taken her out on his own or done anything with her on his own!

So a shit father and more like a fun uncle, then?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/07/2023 10:34

What is the point of him?. Would you want your DD as an adult to be with such a man too?. Is he also a lot older than you?. What’s his relationship history?

Such men do not change, they just want some sap of a woman to do all the donkey work and look after them at the same time.

Fandabedodgy · 09/07/2023 12:43

He is not a good father and he is not a good partner.

What exactly do you get out of this relationship?

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