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Original poster

Boyfriends texts with a "friend"

33 replies

101nothere · 09/07/2023 06:12

Before anyone starts I know I shouldn't have snooped but I have and now here we are.

Cut a long story short been with boyfriend for 7 years and during this time he's always been close with another girl but always reassured me that they were friends nothing more. I had my doubts and have always had a gut feeling it was more than that.

Last night I got drunk, my boyfriend fell asleep and stupidly I went through his phone. I ended up going through his and his girl-friends texts. Low and behold I've seen things that a deal breakers. He previously asked her for nudes as he claimed I wouldn't give him any and it wasn't fair. He also told her that he didn't find me sexually attractive and that he wished I was more like her. Another thing he said is that he kept having sex dreams about other people. This has all been a massive insecurity of mine which to my face he will never admit so for me to see it written there was kind of like what I needed to reassure me I wasn't going crazy.

My issue now is I want to bring it up to him but these texts were from 5 years ago. Is it too late to say anything?

OP posts:
PaigeMatthews · 09/07/2023 10:01

Screamingabdabz · 09/07/2023 09:04

The thing that would bother me most is he obviously didn’t have much respect for you 5 years ago and didn’t find you ‘sexual attractive’ but nevertheless has continued to stay and presumably have sex with you, all the while keeping his options open. I assume this other girl rejected him? You both should as he sounds an absolute loser.

This.

MollysBrolly · 09/07/2023 10:02

So you refused to send nudes so he asks someone else for them - he sounds like a real catch!

MummaEllie · 09/07/2023 10:14

The things he has said to this girl are unacceptable and you are right not to trust him. I'm a strong believer that if you have the urge to look in someone's phone and then you find exactly what you felt you would then the relationship is not as strong as it should be. I would question the relationship going forward.

On the other hand.. is he really that close with the girl as a friend if you was able to read 5years worth of messages, if they were just friends and had normal friend conversations surly that would take you ages to read. I would assume shes someone he would either message when he's drunk or horny, Bringing it back to the fact he can't be trusted.
Some men do have innocent friend relationships with girls but this one doesn't sound like it.

I would get rid of him and find someone who truly respects you. Easier said than done, I know. But respect yourself and aim higher xx

Leapintothelightning · 09/07/2023 11:44

Summer2424 · 09/07/2023 09:41

Hi @101nothere i wouldn't bring it up, it was a long time ago, i would just think he chose you, that's huge.
Just continue your good relationship and always remember he chose you ❤

Please raise your standards

supercali77 · 09/07/2023 12:15

'I would just think he chose you, that's huge'

That's the main thing eh 🙄

Eva6437 · 09/07/2023 12:28

Summer2424 · 09/07/2023 09:41

Hi @101nothere i wouldn't bring it up, it was a long time ago, i would just think he chose you, that's huge.
Just continue your good relationship and always remember he chose you ❤

This is not a good relationship

WorldCuppa · 09/07/2023 13:13

Curiosity killed the cat!

GoodChat · 09/07/2023 14:21

WorldCuppa · 09/07/2023 13:13

Curiosity killed the cat!

Curiosity caught the sleaze

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