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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My partner annoys me so much

19 replies

kerrylou89xxx · 09/07/2023 00:19

I've been with my partner for 11 years. He has 4 brothers and a sister. From the first few week of us getting together his mum was calling me all sorts all over Facebook. The woman had never met me. I was warned to not get into a relationship with him before we got together because of the way his family are. Hus mum has hated every one of her daughter In laws for no reason. His mum has give me constant abuse for years. He never defended me. I said to him years ago if this carries on I'll get to a point where I can't take anymore and I'll give it her back. So she carried on and for the last couple of years I've made sure she knows exactly what I think of her. His family has a WhatsApp group that they all sit and slag me off in. But then they'll get drunk and one of them tells me about it. Im sat here everyday wondering is this relationship is worth it. I dont get on with his family. We don't have a sexual relationship anymore (because he doesn't want it) I can't have a conversation on the phone to my mum without him being in the background shouting over me. If I'm texting my daughter and he says something he will get in a mood cause I don't reply to him instantly! He picks at us all constantly in the house. I'm such a chilled person and he just makes me feel so negative. I'm no saint at all but I just feel like I'm being suffocated. I'm so done with this relationship but I don't no life without him and it terrifies me

OP posts:

Geppili · 09/07/2023 00:38

Leave! It sounds horrible and exhausting. You are flogging a dead horse. You can do it! You don't need these toxic people in your life! What were your parents like to you?

Pinkbonbon · 09/07/2023 00:39

Why on earth did you put up with one week of this? Let alone 11 years.

You don't know why they hate all his exs
...Well the common denominator is him. Sounds like he slags you all off from day one. Maybe so that you won't be believed if you tell people what a horrible bastard he is.

Your poor kids. They'll think this crap is normal too.

Bring single isn't actually scary. I'd rather be single than date a lunatic with a lunatic family. Hell, I'd rather be single than date anyone who wasn't absolutely perfect for me.

New things are daunting. But you'll be fine.
Get him gone.
And do the freedom programme online so that you never date a loser like him again. If your kids are old enough, have them do it too.

greenthumb13 · 09/07/2023 00:50

Why exactly are you with him? He and his family sound awful. You'll be so
Much happier alone!

Original poster

kerrylou89xxx · 09/07/2023 00:52

Sounds so pathetic but I'm crying just reading these responses. I don't tell anyone anything. Tonight I done this post because I asked him to find a remote in the drawers In our living room and he got so stressed and I thought to myself this isn't normal!

OP posts:

suburbophobe · 09/07/2023 00:56

He sounds awful and so does his mother.

What makes you believe you don't deserve better in life?

Please leave him.

BonnyLassie99 · 09/07/2023 00:58

Mothers that never like their sons girlfriends without reason, are usually narcissists and they hate other women in their sons life because they want to be the only female, and he is perhaps her golden child therefore is most likely a narcissist too, when you get involved with someone/marry them, then you often marry into the family and they sound awful, I think you should think about leaving him, as hard as it will be then it’s for the best, what sort of man doesn’t stick up for his partner with this stuff? He could be triangulating you against her, another narcisstic move.

Original poster

kerrylou89xxx · 09/07/2023 01:03

He's the youngest and they all say he's the baby, there's so much I could say about them but I wouldn't even no were to begin. We found out he had high blood pressure a few week ago so I told his 21 year old niece who we're close to. I then got a message from his sister telling me I'm a cunt and why am I putting this shit on her child. Bear in mind she had them took off her she. The 21 year old was about 15. His mum give all her kids up when they where around 13 14 and his sister done the same. It's like they don't no how to love. I sound so dramatic

OP posts:

Original poster

kerrylou89xxx · 09/07/2023 01:03

When*

OP posts:

BonnyLassie99 · 09/07/2023 01:03

kerrylou89xxx · 09/07/2023 01:03

He is definitely the golden child and the only son, definitely a family of narcissists.

rainbowlou · 09/07/2023 01:05

You deserve better.
please don’t waste any more of your time in this situation.

Original poster

kerrylou89xxx · 09/07/2023 01:06

This is exactly what I've needed, I've had in my head for so long that everyone hates me and I am the worlds worst, this has give me so much hope.

OP posts:

BonnyLassie99 · 09/07/2023 01:08

I have had a couple of relationships with arseholes in my time but I don’t think I’ve ever been with a narcissist so I can’t imagine how it must be, I know it’s awful that’s for sure, but I think you need to leave asap, you’ll be okay in time and I know it’s a cliche but it’s true, recovering from narcissistic abuse can be done.

Leave that sick family to it, they won’t ever change.

Original poster

kerrylou89xxx · 09/07/2023 01:11

Thankyou all so much. This really has helped me so much!! I know I'm ready to do this cause I'd never of put this on here if I wasn't I think this is the reassurance I needed. Thankyou

OP posts:

Original poster

kerrylou89xxx · 09/07/2023 01:14

Even now I'm telling him what people are saying just so he knows I have people supporting me and he's just completely ignoring what I'm saying and talking about something else. Is that normal?

OP posts:

BonnyLassie99 · 09/07/2023 01:39

kerrylou89xxx · 09/07/2023 01:14

Even now I'm telling him what people are saying just so he knows I have people supporting me and he's just completely ignoring what I'm saying and talking about something else. Is that normal?

He doesn’t care and if he a narcissist like I suspect then he won’t have the ability to self reflect, tell him nothing apart from, “this relationship is over and I’m leaving/you’re getting kicked out”, and then do so and go no contact, total no contact as this is the only way you’ll get rid of him.

Good luck xx

Pinkbonbon · 09/07/2023 02:25

Never tell a narcissist they are a narcissist.

He'll only use it against you.

And there is no point saying to q lion 'hey! You're a lion! And now I know! Stop chewing on my leg!'. Just fucking run!

And stop telling him about your support system!
Keep mumsnet as your safe space.
Change your username for future posts just incase.

bamboonights · 09/07/2023 02:32

He sounds like the last person on earth I'd want my daughter to end up with-what aspirations did your parents have for you, and what example do you intend setting for your own children?
I dint mean money or material things, but simply love, respect and care. You have none of those.

bamboonights · 09/07/2023 02:36

Sorry it's late and I didn't read the whole thread. His mother is cruel, ignorant and neglectful and you sound as though you have enough intellect to get away from this vile family before it's too late. You are not daft or you wouldn't be on here trying to get help as you recognise the red flags. Move on, they are a nightmare.

Babyandmexox · 09/07/2023 02:44

Just leave, things won’t get better and let us know your ok since you’ve told him what people have been saying people like that are unpredictable.

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