Am I the monster ?

[singlemumhelp]

So my partner and me don't live together, financially cannot afford to and I like the stability of my own house after my exes. His income
Is too high for us to get UC on top of my wages, I only earn £900 a month. Plus cb and maintamve wouldn't be enough to survive on as we would have to evenly split bills in his house if we moved there as that what he expects. He has his own kids to pay for so he couldn't subside the £2100 I would lose from UC. Plus my son needs his own room and he couldn't have that at my partners as although his kids aren't staying he expects them to have their own rooms still so mine share staying at his.
We stay at each others house a couple nights a week. He works usually Tuesday-Saturday doing about 58 hours.
Every other weekend I don't have my kids so I stay at his and we have Friday nights together as he finishes early. His kids are due to come tomorrow however they aren't this week due to something with their mum. Am I the monster for being happy and trying to make us plans now for tomorrow. Apparently I should be more upset etc. it's my weekend with no kids, my youngest is on the ASD spectrum so it's tough. And battling my own step parent issues with my eldests dad. How can o explain that it's sometimes nice if we get the extra spontaneous day together if they can't come where he doesn't have work.
We have the odd weekend away together but the Sunday we always leave at 7am to be back for
When his kids are dropped off. So we get less than 48 hours.
He will not come on holiday with me and my kids as he cannot take his, and also because he expects us to only do 6 days so he's back for the Sunday but for my kids that isn't long enough. I then get complained at because o get money to top up my income and he believes I shouldn't be able to afford holidays abroad with my total
Income.

I love his kids I do, but when they are here he is such a different person, his rules and things with his kids are more exetemee whereas when they are with their mum she parents the same as I do which is good as we do get on. When I have my kids etc it's easier as we all just work together but some weekends it's just nice to have the Sunday. He could also have them duen the week and pick them up from school for dinner Mondays. His ex has said to me she wants him to but he won't as he says she'll say no. Likes to play the victim.

I don't drink when I have my kids, he likes to drink and last few weeks has got stroppy because he doesn't have his kids durn the week doesn't understand why we can't drink or have fun when he has no responsibilities and I do. I will happily drink and get stupid when they are at their dads every other weekend but he's not happy with this because he has responsibilities of work the Saturday and his kids on the Sunday.

I don't really know what I am expecting just some reassurance that it's ok to sometimes feel
Selfish.

@Whattodo112222 yes I do,
I work 20 hours in a school, and I do a cleaning job once a week aswell.

I think you need to realize that it's 'harder' because you are simply not in sync with each other's lives. Nor are you ever likely to be. Each of you wants to prioritize your own kids and that is how it should be. But he wants you to prioritize HIS kids over your own (don't go on holidays he can't afford to take his kids on, etc). And you want him to prioritize YOU over his kids (come on holidays without his kids, go out when his access is cancelled and he just doesn't feel like going). Do you see what I mean?

And that's not even bringing up the issue that he resents your monthly income. This is a HUGE deal! He has no right to even have an opinion about your finances, much less express it. You aren't living together, you have no shared expenses, it is none of his business. And can you just imagine the resentment if you were living together and you came home with something for your DC that he couldn't afford (or thinks is foolish) for his? You'd never hear the end of it. Plus, he would NEVER consent to increasing his monthly contribution to 'make up' for the benefits you would lose by moving in together. After all, that's 'money you should never have been getting in the first place' so why should he make up for it?

Neither of you is a 'bad person'. You simply aren't compatible. I don't know why you expect things to change.

Agree with @AcrossthePond55

He shouldn't really know how much you have coming in each month & it has no impact on him whatsoever. I also don't think he is likely to make up any shortfall you lose from UC if he moves in.

I would just keep him as a boyfriend you see when kids aren't around rather than a potential life long partner who moves in to your house.

You don't sound at all compatible and I can't see how your relationship can progress beyond this. He appears quite resentful that you're receiving benefits.

He sounds awful.

Controlling and judgemental.

Thank goodness you don't live with him.

He's a liar too that likes to play victim.

Stop sharing your business, its none of his.

You deserve better