Tackling blaming behaviour

[Cutest]

I’d like some constructive advice on tackling my DH, who as soon as criticised or confronted over anything immediately panics, shifts the blame on to me and doggedly sticks to his - frankly often batshit - story.

Relationship is generally good. For additional context and so as not to drip feeds, he is quite severely dyslexic and I am certain also has ADD but not pursued diagnosis, he hates being put on the spot in anyway for any reason.

I want to have a serious chat about this behaviour but obviously anticipating the usual reaction - over being tackled about the behaviour. How do I go about it and avoid him turning the blame on me, then getting into a blame-game argument?

No advice but I have similar issues with my DH, any mistake by him (even minimal) must be blamed on someone/something else

Also lived with this struggle. I am open to him bringing issues to me, and while I might get a bit upset, I try and take it on the chin. Can't go to him with anything though, he blows up, says I'm calling him a shit person, that he doesn't understand what I want even if I directly tell him. Can't tell him in person. Can't tell him by text. Nothing suits. Looking to leave now and pretty imminently. Can't live with it any long.

No advice for you OP but good luck. It's so difficult to be with someone who won't take any responsibility for their own actions and how it might effect others.

Oh dear sorry to hear that @laciport

Cutest

I would not bother attempting to make him
see your side of things because he does not want to know. He only cares about his own self and he is more than adept at using DARVO on you (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender).

the only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.
consider carefully if you want to remain with him because he is clearly showing you who he really is. His dyslexia is no excuse or justification for such treatment of you and you may well be wide of the mark re ADD as well.

@AttilaTheMeerkat not making excuses just didn’t want someone to ask anything like that later and drip feed. He’s perfectly capable of being reasonable when he needs to be, eg at work. So I’m not absolving.

however we are definitely not in LTB territory and I do want to address it constructively. Or try to anyway. Because I agree it’s not acceptable. But as in most relationships there has to be balance, and on balance he’s great. Same as I am mostly great but can also be a total PITA in several areas.

Sadly you will not be able to address it, let alone constructively, because he will not want to know. How do you see such a conversation with him going given how he behaves now?.

Is he really on balance great otherwise ?. I doubt that very much. Who has the most power and control here in your relationship?.

so what if you’re a pita in some areas?. I would think you apologise for wrong doings, he likely never does. You have qualities he lacks like insight (and empathy) for instance.

If he can be reasonable at work (and to people in the outside world) then he can equally be reasonable to you as well but he does not want to do so. He chooses not to do either. He does this because he can and it works for him. You will further run yourself into the ground trying and failing to get him to see your point of view. He knows and he owes not care.

He does not care