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Original poster

Should he still be there for his ex?

17 replies

JC924 · 08/07/2023 07:34

Partner has 3 kids 21,19,15 he split with their mother around 14 years ago. He has been in relationships since they finished however she has never moved on and still calls him for lifts, to get shopping, when she’s not well and so on. It has caused numerous arguments with us, my argument is he has 3 kids all who still live with theirs mother and 2 of them are adults. Surely she should be asking them for help or her family? I know the ex doesn’t have any friends and struggles to make friends. There have been times where we have been at family meals for his kids and she has been rude to me and he thinks we got off on the wrong foot…
He hates me having any contact with my sons dad and the only reason we have contact is about my son who is still young.
I just want to know whether people think it’s normal and acceptable to drop things and plans for your ex? I know he does feel a guilt for her that they never had a good relationship and he wants her to move on but I really can’t see that happening anytime soon. Is it best I just end things because I don’t want a relationship where he is at her beck and call.

OP posts:
AuntMarch · 08/07/2023 07:44

I thought he was actually just being a decent person until

He hates me having any contact with my sons dad

Was your sons dad abusive? Because if not, how does your partner explain the double standard?

SongsYoullNeverHear · 08/07/2023 07:54

How long have you been together? Is it worth the hassle if shes rude to you and you don’t like him being so involved? Does he have reason to not like you being in contact with your sons dad or is he just being jealous/controlling?

Without her rudeness to you and as long as he was sensitive to your feelings, it’s a good thing for parents to be friends with their ex. I’m not sure that’s how things will be for this relationship though.

BreeTown · 08/07/2023 07:56

To be honest I wouldn't be happy either especially if her needs were prioritised over mine.
And the double standards are ridiculous, he can't have it both ways. Maybe you should start dropping everything and running off to help your ex and be at his beck and call. When your partner complains tell him you are following the wonderful example he has set. (Although, PP makes a good point about your ex being abusive and your partner is just concerned for you- still I wouldn't be happy with his level of involvement with ex)
Whether to end it or not, well,if you are sick and tired of the situation and resentment is building up then maybe it's time to move on.

Original poster
JC924 · 08/07/2023 07:57

No not at all, we just didn’t work together.

It is double standards, he also reminds me that she would have him back in a heartbeat.

OP posts:
Chesneyhawkes1 · 08/07/2023 08:02

He's trying to make you feel jealous and insecure.

Let her have him back.

SongsYoullNeverHear · 08/07/2023 08:05

No not at all, we just didn’t work together.

It is double standards, he also reminds me that she would have him back in a heartbeat.

There’s a few red flags in what you’ve said. Don’t settle, you deserve better.

WhineWhineWhineWINE · 08/07/2023 08:08

She's not going to move on until he cuts ties though is she? Does he quite like being needed by her? Sounds like she's not let go of their relationship and he enjoys the attention. Her being rude to you is out of order too and he should be defending you, not her. Huge double standard regarding your ex, which would really piss me off. No I would not be happy with this at all.

Original poster
JC924 · 08/07/2023 08:11

Thank you for the comments. We’ve only been together just over 2 years.

I think it’s time to give up, stop letting it bother me and move on.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 08/07/2023 08:11

JC924 · 08/07/2023 07:57

No not at all, we just didn’t work together.

It is double standards, he also reminds me that she would have him back in a heartbeat.

Tell him to piss off back to her

clpsmum · 08/07/2023 08:13

JC924 · 08/07/2023 07:57

No not at all, we just didn’t work together.

It is double standards, he also reminds me that she would have him back in a heartbeat.

Let him go back in that case

Mapples · 08/07/2023 08:14

I agree, time to move on.

Susieb2023 · 08/07/2023 08:15

Sounds as though he enjoys the triangulation. Keeps his current partner on her feet. Nasty. Get rid.

Jk987 · 08/07/2023 09:19

Sounds like hard work and stress. He's not much of a catch that's for sure. You need an easier life with your son.

gettingthethrow · 08/07/2023 09:32

If they haven't cut ties after 14 years then it's never going to happen.

Scaler · 08/07/2023 09:53

Agree. Time to end it. Relationships shouldn't make you unhappy.

Pinkbonbon · 08/07/2023 14:01

JC924 · 08/07/2023 07:57

No not at all, we just didn’t work together.

It is double standards, he also reminds me that she would have him back in a heartbeat.

Oh fuck that.

He's a nasty manipulative shit.

Dump.

Gateappreciation · 08/07/2023 14:08

They split 14 years ago, and the children are young adults! As poster says above , if he he hasn’t cut contact, he never will.

In answer to your question , it’s not normal to change plans for your ex (apart from emergencies), especially after 14 years and having older kids.

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