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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What do I do

14 replies

Mum2two2022 · 08/07/2023 07:29

I need some advice asap please. Tbh I shouldn’t be seeking advice as I know the answer but I feel sick to my stomach.

My husband didn’t come home last night he was “working late” I drove round to where he was meant to be working at 10 and he wasn’t there no van no where to be seen. I instantly knew that he was out doing god knows what.

I have 2 kids a 10 month and 2 year old. All night I was ringing him didn’t ring nothing. I woke up at 4 this morning he wasn’t here. Woke up at 6:30 he’s on the sofa no van on the drive. I woke him up like Wtf where have you been he said work which is a lie cause this is a private job which is in a family home. He stunk of alcohol swaying I grabbed his top and told him to get out I’ve had enough.

He then launched me through the stair gate in the kitchen from the hallway and I hit my head. Nothing like this has ever happened I am in shock. My 2 year old saw everything and screamed and I feel so awful. He done it and walked upstairs my daughter went up there and said daddy and he slammed the door in her face.

I am done I cannot and will not be married to someone like that, but he won’t get out. I’ve got things to do today as we have my son christening tomorrow. What do I do????

OP posts:
TeeBee · 08/07/2023 07:30

Call the police and get them to remove him. He assaulted you.

Cherryblossomed · 08/07/2023 07:34

Personally, I think you should call the police. End the marriage regardless of wether you do or not.

Be prepared for him to say you grabbed him first though.

Original poster
Mum2two2022 · 08/07/2023 07:36

@Cherryblossomed yeah that's the thing he will 100% use against me. I literally grabbed his top and told him to get out. Yes I shouldn't of grabbed his top but I am sick of leaving and not coming home these are his children as much as they are mine what gives him the right to do what he wants?

OP posts:
TeeBee · 08/07/2023 07:44

Grabbing someone's top is not assault though, is it? Launching someone through the air is. Tell the police what happened. Tell them you don't feel safe. Take photos of any bruises. Report it. Don't wait. You might need it later.

Naz2009 · 08/07/2023 07:58

How's your head?
I'm sure this wasn't the first time, he has made you doubt him. Otherwise why would you have driven to see if he was working where he should of been last night.
Organising and getting all set for christening is stressful enough. Thinking of you.
I know you know what to do. Be strong and have the police come remove him. Today it was you, tomorrow it can be one of the kids he hits.

Cherryblossomed · 08/07/2023 08:01

TeeBee · 08/07/2023 07:44

Grabbing someone's top is not assault though, is it? Launching someone through the air is. Tell the police what happened. Tell them you don't feel safe. Take photos of any bruises. Report it. Don't wait. You might need it later.

Yes it is. Grabbing someone’s top and trying to throw them out of their home could be seen as provocation to him shoving her off, which ended with her being launched through the baby gate.

He sounds like a dick, but there’s no point pretending he isn’t going to try and throw Op under the bus.

something2say · 08/07/2023 08:04

I think the main thing here is to de-escalate. That includes verbally - no matter WHAT he says, don't make it worse because he has shown he will be violent.

I think if the marriage is over, step back hugely and do it safely. I would advise ringing the police but if you're saying you won't, then take steps to make yourself safer - withdraw, calm down, strategise and keep safe.

Summer2424 · 08/07/2023 08:10

Hi @Mum2two2022 omg i'm so sorry you went through that xx
I understand about not wanting to call the police. I think for now focus on your sons christening and then take some time to decide what is the best way forward with your husband xx

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 08/07/2023 08:11

Phone the police and have him removed until he at least sobers up. You won't be able to stop him coming home but it will put a flag on your house for DA

If you do this it's on record so if he kicks off during divorce proceedings/again, wanting custody of your dc etc it's there for all to see.

Original poster
Mum2two2022 · 08/07/2023 08:31

I am getting dressed and getting out my daughter has a party in an hour I need to be as far away from him as possible. He has never hit be but he is known for going out and drinking.

But I generally think this has confirmed our marriage that is over. I won't allow my kids to be brought up in a house with violence no way.

I want to get though tomorrow the christening and then he can leave if he doesn't I will leave

OP posts:
BCBird · 08/07/2023 08:34

Sending you a handhold OP.

Zanatdy · 08/07/2023 08:40

Oh gosh I’m sorry I do think that would be the end for me. Agree get the christening done and then he needs to go.

Original poster
Mum2two2022 · 08/07/2023 09:16

@Zanatdy most definitely not only that but my 2 year old won't stop talking about it now and I feel so so bad now reallt hard day

OP posts:
Motnight · 08/07/2023 09:19

Your 2 year old is trying to process the awfulness of what she has witnessed, Op.

Good luck.

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