In a nutshell a bit of background
Together for 21 years, both early 40s. We have 4 children - 2 over 18 and 2 are 10 and 8.
My partner had a.massive drinking issue what you call a high functioning alcoholic for years. Treated me like shit, lied and cheated for a good 12 years or.so. All came.to a head in 2018 when our daughter got really sick, we.almost lost her twice (shes all good now) during this time our lives where turned upside down. It came out in the midst of all this that my partner was cheating lots and messaging lots i found everything theough his phone. So after alot of talks etc he promised he would never touch a drop again. As in never. And he would never put me through it again. I used to get sick with anxiety and it took a LONG time to trust again. True to his word he stopped and everything was REALLY good for 4 and a half years. Until september last year. The shandys and weak beer had started again and on family holiday he was drinking beers. I told him how i felt but he brushed it off as just a couple....then he woke me up 4am as he was sitting outside the camper drinking and confessed he had bumped into the woman who was in the next camp pitch and gave her a rise.back from the toilet on his bike. He said nothing happened but he would never have done it if he was sober. He was really sorry told me how disappointed in himself he was and how he had let me down etc and agreed that the shandys where a slippy slope.......
Here we go again.....so January comes up and he starts coming home from work late and makes up excuses to go out and he'd be gone for ages.....had my suspicions he had a drink and then found lots of stubby lids in his pocket. Found his phone and i k ow i shouldnt but i looked through it and found he had been back to drinking even bragging telling his mate he told me he was helping him move stuff nut infact was in the pub
He never got wasted but just a bit tipsy.
Of course this sent my anxiety through the roof. Feeling sick, heart palpataions the works.......dry mouth etc......now its every time hes late or hes on his phone i think hes messaging other women. (He has no social media apart from tiktok)
I feel sick all the time and its really unhealthy i am flying.off at him in a rage accusing him of allsorts.
Hes.still drinking and having "shandys" and the odd beer when hes not at home. I effing hate it. It feels like it was pre 2018.....so tonight he rings says he is going for 2 shandys at the pub at 5pm and he would be bringing back chippy tea for me.and the boys around 7. Guess what its 9.30 and hes not back. He has messaged me.and i went.off at gim and he says i am pushing him away and he cant see why he cant have a few drinks with his mates after work. Ots really unhealthy and i feel so so anxious and.on edge all the time. I dont know what to do
Not many people in real life to talk too :(