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Original poster

I want another baby but my partner doesn't

12 replies

Cherty19 · 07/07/2023 20:59

Hello , I really want another child but my partner would never want more kids. I have one DC from a previous relationship who is now seven years old and none with my DP. We have been together for fives years and he has two DC from a previous relationship but he has hasnt seen them in four years. He used to share custody of his kids for years after he and his ex spilt but when we got together his ex became very jealous of them becoming close to me and my DC so cut contact. Obviously he tried to fight her in court but the process was long with her putting in a series of false allegations to social services and the police about me and DP, none of them went anywhere but she has managed to alienate DP children against him and they no longer want to see him. This never would have happend when they was seeing him as they were very close and he doted on them. Can see why he doesn't want anymore children as anyone would but I know it be different this time and he would be a great dad he is a brilliant father figure to my DC as he was to his own when he could. I dnt know how to even approach the subject with him is it completely selfish to expect him to have another ? I always wanted two kids and thought I would I'm still young and so is he.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 07/07/2023 21:03

He's been clear with you that he doesn't want any more children.

Whatever has happened with his ex and his children sounds like a painful and traumatic experience for everyone involved.

I'd also be conscious that the ex might be absolutely awful, but he had an opportunity to centre his children and to be brutal, he chose his love life over his kids.

If you want more children then this relationship isn't going to work. You need to find someone who wants to have a child/more children.

Gytgyt · 07/07/2023 21:10

How old are his kids OP?

MyTruthIsOut · 07/07/2023 21:16

When I was desperate for a second baby my husband was adamant he didn’t want one.

Our story isn’t similar to yours but I absolutely sympathise with that pain of really wanting a baby but someone else withholding it from you.

I will admit I started to resent my husband a little.

Eventually, after well over a year of me discussing it with him, he did then agree.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened to us if he’d never agreed to a second….I don’t think I would have left him but I’m not sure I could ever have truly forgiven him for it either.

I don’t really have any advice as your situation sounds very complex, but I just wanted to give you some reassurance that the conflicting emotions you are feeling are totally normal x

Pinkbonbon · 07/07/2023 21:24

He doesn't want more and that's that.

No means no.

It doesn't mean 'hang around and try and persuade me otherwise'.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 07/07/2023 21:33

This is one of those existential threats to your relationship where you need to decide if you want this partner more or another baby more. It doesn't sound like you can have both.

Original poster
Cherty19 · 08/07/2023 21:33

They are 10 and 13 so abit older,

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherty19 · 08/07/2023 22:00

Thanks for replies I suppose I have to decide for.myself if having another is that important to end a long term relationship when I may not end up meeting anyone else I would want kids.with until its too late and my dc in.high school or older which I wouldn't want the age gap would already be quite big.. don't think.having two nieces on the way is helping with broodiness 😂

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 09/07/2023 06:25

How would the other DC feel? They will be massively impacted by more kids. As they get older they often need more help not less.

MortifiedSeptember · 09/07/2023 07:00

I know someone who left a relationship because the husband said no to more children. She said she didn't need to get another baby or another relationship. She wanted to decide when to stop ttc on her own terms not her ex terms.

Fast forward few years and they both have new dc with new partners. It was funny how fast her ex got the new woman pregnant.

Who says you can't end relationship based on wanting to take control of your own fertility. Remember, even if your partner agrees now and you start ttc there is no guarantee that you would get pregnant. Life is funny that way.
Both paths are full of uncertainties, take the one that you feel has the least pain in total.

WilkinsonM · 09/07/2023 07:01

He doesn't want one, so yes its unreasonable of you to expect him to have one!
Poor man, losing contact with his children must have been awful, it's hardly a surprise he doesn't feel like he wants to risk having another. You're going to have to accept this or move on.

WhatNoRaisins · 09/07/2023 07:05

I think it's sensible. He needs to focus on getting things back on track with the children he already has. He may not have the capacity to have another baby whilst doing this.

Hibiscrubbed · 09/07/2023 08:14

Sadly, for you, no from him means no.

But I’d probably recommend reconsider wanting a child with a man who gave up trying to see his 9 and 6 year old children four years ago…

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