Told "politely" not to go near husband's friend's wife *trigger warning miscarriage*

[Gurlonfiya]

I'm reflecting a lot right now as I am soon getting divorced. I now have DH out of my space and he's living with friends temporarily.

I'm reflecting on the things I went through in my marriage with him and one thing that really stands out is how I was treated when I was pregnant by his friends. His friend and his wife miscarried at 8 weeks during my first pregnancy and I was told by his friend that his wife "could not be around" me. I respected this, but it meant that I couldn't attend any events with DH and his friends throughout my pregnancy. DH just gladly left me at home. I developed PND during and after pregnancy and became quite poorly.

She fell pregnant again a few months later but seemingly still could not stand to be around our child or me and so when other females in the group had their babies around the same time, I was left out of playdates. This doesn't seem very nice?

DH brushed it all under the carpet at the time and now he's accused me of disliking his friends as one of the reasons for our separation. He is right, I didn't like them, but it feels upsetting that he's using this against me given my outing in the group.

It hurt that he continued his friendship with them afterwards and although I completely empathise with the way she must have felt at the time, to continue outing me and my child seems a bit horrible?

Surely if she had a problem with you, she should have been the one sitting home.

But she and the others only did this because your ex gave them license to.

If he accuses you again, say yes, you didn’t like them because they were a bunch of bullies!

His friends can now keep him warm at night!

In this scenario he should also have stopped socialising with them. It sounds like you are well shot of them all. Don’t look back!

She was 8 weeks pregnant. An embryo doesn’t becomes a foetus until 10 weeks and an early loss is not uncommon.

I don’t think the behaviour can be justified at all. She had a baby afterwards and chose not to move on but to freeze op out.

They all sound vile and you are so much better without them all op.

Absolutely agree with @Lavender14 , great post.

And you don't 'move on' from a baby loss @Mummyoflittledragon even if early. You have no idea on that woman's history so to try and dismiss it so easily is wrong. She is entitled to her feelings as is the OP. Doesn't mean either are wrong, just incompatible

2 of my closest friends had babies around the due date of mine if I hadn’t miscarried. I never once couldn’t be around them and went to both baby showers. I didn’t get pregnant again until their babies were 6 months old. Yes it would and still does sometimes cross my mind that I could have had a child the same age as theirs but I am not resentful and never have been. I was grateful they had successful pregnancies knowing what I went through. How you have been treated by everyone especially DH is disgusting! What vile people!

It sounds to me as this woman disliked you before you and she got pregnant. Your HB is a weak man who should have dumped them when they insisted you could not socialise due to your pregnancy and after you gave birth. He allowed these so called friends to exclude his wife and his child . He put other people and their feelings above his own wife . He a weak shallow drip . Good riddance.

Delighted to read you are divorcing this nasty disloyal twat.

What you have written is shocking.

That must have been so hurtful and hard.

Awful husband, awful friends.

Stay strong.

This has made me think of my miscarriage. A very good friend and workmate had been my confidant through 2.5 years of ttc, IVF. I finally became pregnant then had a miscarriage. She became pregnant almost immediately after this, and it was SO hard to deal with. I burst into tears when she told me, I couldn’t help it. In an irrational way, it almost felt like a betrayal. But she understood my sadness, and I understood that I had to keep my mixed feelings about her pregnancy away from her. I worked through it, never tried to avoid her. I’ll always remember my relief when I met her baby and just felt happy for her, no pain for myself.

That was a horrible way for you to be treated.

He was in denial ? Surely he could have seen how upset / angry you were ? He's just brushed this under the carpet because he's a weak man that doesn't put his wife first . I would have been furious.