Game over ?

[Isitoverkk]

I’m late 30s

I fell totally in love with someone recently who turned out to be using me for company and sex, despite him promising commitment and more. My family and friends even loved him. Before him, I was stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship. It was awful. I had no hope until I met the recent guy. Now I’m crushed even more.

Both men have moved on and are loved up. My abusive ex is getting married. Recent one cheated on me and is seeing someone new.

Meanwhile, I’m hurting deeply and struggling to get any decent attention on a dating app.

I’m so low - it feels like it’s game over.

Who is going to want an overweight late 30s woman who wants to have a family?

there’s a distinct lack of decent men at the best of times.

I do wonder if it weren’t for my mum and dad, I may actually consider ending it.

I have a great job, my place, and some friends who are all busy. Yet I feel so painfully low and lonely.

I always wanted a partner and family but it seems impossible for me.

I had always been so optimistic and sought therapy and my therapist said I was wonderful and would make a great partner.

I’m often told how beautiful and lovely I am by colleagues, even strangers.

Yet there just doesn’t seem to be anyone for me. And my fertility is now on the cusp of being lost.

Any warm advice would be gratefully received.

I feel for you, OP. I’m childless, not by choice but leaving it too late to stop faffing around and go it alone. I met my wonderful DH in my 40s, and am now very happily married, but still regret missing my chance to have a child.

I was alone at your age, and meeting useless men. If I were your age now, I would stop looking for a good partner and would try to have a child alone.

Best of luck. I think it’s worth doing xx

It was a question, not advice, so I'm not sure how it can be disappointing as advice. But thanks for your opinion on a question I didn't ask you.

I was referring to the advice you usually give other posters on the relationship board. Your "question" came across as though OP should feel bad/lesser about wanting to meet someone and have a family to be happy and I didn't think it was fair.

@ISeeTrees

Your "question" came across to you.

I wasn't asking you. It was a question to someone else. It doesn't really matter how you received it.

Ok 👍 I don't want to derail the thread.

@ISeeTrees

Ok 👍 I don't want to derail the thread

Post to OP then, rather than criticising other people's posts to OP!

Sorry @Isitoverkk Derail over.

I think you can sometimes meet someone when you least expect it. You’re young. There is time x

What a tropey thing to say! And in terms of her fertility, she is really not young, and may have even missed the boat, how insensitive!

I have to say, I agree with this.

The OP doesn't sound like one of those women who has put her life on hold and is only focused on meeting a man but someone who has every area of life sorted except for that one thing she also wants.

OP, it's hard because a partner and a family with them isn't something you can do without the input of another person.

I had two children with partners but I've also spent out of life as a single parent. I was a single parent from pregnancy with my first and with a 13 year old and a 6 year old the second time. Big age gap but I don't consider being a single parent to have been the hardest thing I did. I actually loved it! My children are now a well rounded and well adjusted 24 and 17 year old.

I finally met someone at 46 through a hobby and we knew each other for a few years before we got together. I don't think dating apps are any good.

Do you feel good about yourself?

Well in fairness it was to OP, reassuring her that what she wants, and feels will make her happy, is perfectly normal. You said "the only way you can feel happy is by having a partner? Why is that?"- I couldn't tell if you were being a bit dense (the answer is clear- the woman wants a family including a partner to share her life with) or if you intended to make her feel like it was unreasonable to want or feel the need for those things, as I explained above.

I don't contribute much on Mumsnet any more because of the argumentative nature of so many posters that can't seem to see anything from others point of view without taking it as a personal slight. I was trying to point out how you could come across- not just to me but anyone else reading- it needn't be a bunfight.

Really appreciate your analysis, @ISeeTrees

Get a grip ffs