How do I get through this?

[Anonomom12]

I’ve NC for this as I don’t want it linked to me.

Long ish story I’ve been in love with my best friend since we met really. Unfortunately she is not in to women. So that was that.
I am married. I love my husband. I would never cheat nor leave my husband for her. He’s a good man we have a good most of the time relationship which I think is normal when you’re bringing up small children.

Ive always though my best friend was my soul mate. We connect in a way I never have with anyone else. And I just thought well you can have soul mate friends and I’ve loved her as a friend since then.
Unfortunately she hasn’t been delt a good hand and was diagnosed with cancer a couple of years ago, incurable, they said maybe 5-8years . Lost everything. Her home. Her job. Her ability to drive. I have been her support and her everything since then. We talk every day. I see her minimally 4/5 days per week.

Forward to now. She’s met someone. I’m so happy for her but at the same time so heartbroken for me. I know it’s so silly. I know she will pull away from me to be with him. I will inevitably see her less and speak to her less. I wish I could somehow stop loving her. It would be so much less painful but I just don’t seem able to.

Has anyone been through anything similar? i really need some help or advice

Honestly it sounds like it night be a good thing.

Whether or not you would ever cheat, if I was your partner I'd be heartbroken to think you were hanging around someone you were in love with that wasn't me.

Even if you want nothing but to support her, you are not her friend. You're someone who is in love with her. It's dishonest. And quite potentially something that could cause a lot of strife.

Take this as an opportunity to step away. Considerably. Not saying you need to entirely end the friendship but you obviously need to back away a bit and work on getting over her.
Focus on your kids and your marriage.

Because obsessions (if not chased) ...they fester. We tell ourselves we can handle it and then before we know it, we're sobbing into our cheerios because they're dating someone else. It's not good.

But stamping things out isn't an easy route. Best instead to just put in some distance, keep busy and let time do its thing.

Because obsessions (if not chased) ...they fester. We tell ourselves we can handle it and then before we know it, we're sobbing into our cheerios because they're dating someone else. It's not good.

This is exactly how it is and I know I need to step back. I’ve told myself so many times. But then she relies on me so much. Especially since the cancer and I feel like I can’t let her down. Then I think what if this is it? These are the best times, tomorrow I could lose her then I’ll be wishing I spent more time with her. It’s so hard to just step away when I know she isn’t going to be here for that much longer

Is the cancer terminal?

Or do you just mean because she is dating?because she isn't going to vanish just because she has a new guy. I mean, it might not even last.

And self care isn't letting her down btw.
Just tell her you cannot pour from an empty cup. That you'll be around but you need to focus on your family right now so may not be about as much as usual.

It’s not terminal currently. But it’s the type of cancer that is never curable. Can return and spread quickly and takes the person that they were before they’ve gone. So I’m always conscious that she won’t be here for a long time. 5-8 years they said at the start and were already more than 2 years in.

I know I should pull back. But if I do then she doesn’t get out. She can’t drive anymore. Lives where there are very few buses. Like I said she relies on me a lot and that’s why I feel like I’m letting her down

Keep on being the good friend that you are, OP. You are enhancing her life and she needs your support.

You don’t need to step away. You may see less of her, but the new man is unlikely to take up all her time. The new relationship may or may not last, and if it doesn’t she will need you more than ever.

You will lose her when she dies. Stepping away from her now will just cause you extra pain and isn’t necessary.

I do feel for you. I wish there could be a happy ending. But all you’ve got is the present, so don’t deprive yourself and her of your friendship now xx

@Ofcourseshecan thank you for your kind words. I wish I could switch these feelings off. It would be so much easier if I could