Seven weeks into grieving

[Moonbelly]

I was separated from my husband, due to his alcoholism, when he died two months ago. Today was our “anniversary” of when we got together. 17 years. Only not, thanks to addiction. My two DD still ask about daddy nearly every day, my parents want me to get over it and stop talking and I am just so tired and feel like I will be this hollowed out angry person forever. I have therapy and I joined way and I am doing all the things I am “meant” to do. It was almost easier when he was alive, because I could be angry with him and now I am just left with the memories of who he used to be. Handhold anyone? It might be better tomorrow, until the wedding anniversary later this year and our DDs birthdays and Christmas.

A handhold from me, Moonbelly, and K know many others will feel for you too. It must be so difficult in these confusing circumstances, feeling love and anger. Sending love and hugs xx

A handhold from me as well. I remember your thread from before and how in awe of you I was. You were strong and kept your children safe and protected from seeing him die.

Reading this today makes my heart hurt for you. There's no shame in your grief and anger. Ask your therapist to help you find a safe way to relieve some of the rage and grief, somewhere you can get physical, where you can shout and scream and bang things around to rid yourself of angry, negative energy.

I was in a very bad place 8 years ago, trying to deal with overwhelming anger, anxiety and fear. I'd get in the car at night and drive to an empty parking lot nearby. I'd sit there in the dark, bass thumping, screaming angry Kings of Leon lyrics at the top of my lungs until I lost my breath. Then I would turn the music down and drive home, tired but calmer. It was like I regained some control, and the anger and fear left me for a little while.

I realize your circumstances makes a difference in what you can do, but please find something. It probably saved my sanity at the time.

ive just found your thread. Wow you’ve been through a lot in such a short timeframe. No wonder your struggling to process it all. My DH is in the functional alcoholic stage. Denial. Its scary really how things can escalate.

Its going to be hard all the firsts. It will get easier. Can you try to keep yourself busy on the milestones, organise for friends to come over/play dates etc. i see youre in therapy. Its hard when you can tell friends/fsmily just want you to move on but you need to work through it and process it all 💐

I don’t know you from previous threads but I will say 7 weeks is nothing compared to 17 years. It’s surely been most of a lifetime for you, separated or not you had a whole life together with him - good and bad. You have children with him, who also need so much support at this time. Grief, and anger, are not on/off switches. Hell I’d be angry too at so many things, so many ‘what ifs’, just at him in general. You’re doing all the right things, but that doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid whatever they are. Take all the time you need to heal, you need to for your children’s sake and for yourself.

I haven’t read your previous thread but sending lots of love to you OP. Not the same but my mum died from alcoholism. She was in a really bad way before she passed, but I miss her so much and think of her as she was before she was really bad. I often feel angry that she left me- but really she didn’t have a choice she was too far gone. My husband was similar to your parents and I felt like I couldn’t grieve as I don’t think he understood addiction and I wasn’t allowed to be sad given how she had treated me. But you have every right to grieve and feel all those emotions. You don’t have to get over it like your parents want but I suppose in time you will learn to live with it but 7 weeks is so early. I hope you and your DD are ok and it’s fine to feel all the emotions you have and cry if you want!

Thank you all. Been trying cold water swimming to help with the rage but I probably do need to do more.
It si very hard to deal with people’s idea of grief when they want us all to put it away and stop talking about it but I know they mean well. Thank you all. Feeling a bit calmer today but it just keeps going on and on