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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why do people try to put others off

29 replies

MaxwellCat · 06/07/2023 23:05

Has anyone else noticed this but why do people try to put others off dating? Even if they’ve had a bad experience I don’t know why people try to put others off? For example I was thinking of dating after 6 years single and it was all no don’t bother, don’t do it, stay on your own. This isn’t just me I’ve noticed it with. I’ve noticed people say it on here as well and also on Facebook a woman was asking why she couldn’t download dating apps as her phone wasn’t allowing her to and all the comments were “good” “lucky escape” “it’s a sign” “don’t bother” no one actually advised her on what might be the problem. And with mine it was stay single, I wouldn’t bother etc just don’t see why people do this?

OP posts:
Original poster
MaxwellCat · 07/07/2023 19:19

Perscriptionzzzzz · 07/07/2023 18:33

I have seen it. There seem to be threads on here weekly “selling the idea of celibacy”. I like men and relationships and I just ignore anyone who tries to tell me how I should behave. Politely of course.

Sites like this tend yo polarise issues. Yes, some men are violent and dangerous. Many more aren’t. There are plenty of nice, decent men out there who behave well.

I think you get two types of “disapprover”. One who dates/is in a relationship but doesn’t want you to be. And femcels.

Thank you! Glad someone else finally gets it. I see it all the time advising people to stay alone well I’ve been celibate for 6 years from age 28 to 34 I would actually like sex again at some point!

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 08/07/2023 16:09

JerkintheMerkin · 07/07/2023 18:09

“So the answer is to stay single and never meet anyone again?! I’m only 34 I would not choose to stay single for the rest of my life at 34”

Wow! In less than 24 hours you’ve gone from being single to being very happy in a relationship. What gives??

What gives?

You've mixed up 2 people.

happyfoot · 08/07/2023 16:15

Perscriptionzzzzz · 07/07/2023 18:33

I have seen it. There seem to be threads on here weekly “selling the idea of celibacy”. I like men and relationships and I just ignore anyone who tries to tell me how I should behave. Politely of course.

Sites like this tend yo polarise issues. Yes, some men are violent and dangerous. Many more aren’t. There are plenty of nice, decent men out there who behave well.

I think you get two types of “disapprover”. One who dates/is in a relationship but doesn’t want you to be. And femcels.

I have noticed this too about the celibacy thing and I find it really weird.

I would never encourage someone who wants to be celibate to sleep with someone (because they clearly dont want to) so why do it the other way around? so odd.

KPops22 · 08/07/2023 16:19

JerkintheMerkin · 07/07/2023 06:30

Download a few and you'll soon see why. If you enjoy dealing with the constant angst of does he like me/do I like him?, what does XYZ mean if he does ABC?, he hasn't asked for another date, what should I do?, is this a red flag or not?, shall I contact him for another date or not?, the list goes on. I read so many of these dating dilemmas on here that it puts me right off the whole thing. Never mind that the dating pool is a murky brown soup of mostly undesirables with the odd diamond in there. I wish you luck in your search though. Just wear a very thick wetsuit. Grin

Does your description include women in that category?

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