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Original poster

In-laws

36 replies

WeeTreat · 06/07/2023 21:06

Do you view your in-laws as YOUR family?

I get on with mine well, but I can't help but think of them as DH's family, not mine. Yes, they are undoubtedly my DC's family, but I just don't view them as mine. I often find myself referring to my SIL's DD as 'DH's niece'. I mean nothing by it and am not consciously trying to dissociate myself, I just see it as his side and my side.

Was reading a thread earlier about how much contact adult DS have with their mothers, many posters said that their DIL's message them regularly. I very rarely contact my MIL. In fact, other than to wish her a Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, etc. Or thank her for a gift, I leave all communication to DH. Likewise, he wouldn't randomly txt my side of the family, other than to put a meme or something in the family WhatsApp.

How close are you to your in-laws?

OP posts:
Holly60 · 07/07/2023 08:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

BlueMinge · 07/07/2023 17:30

Absolutely do not see them as my family. I really wanted to but they’ve made it clear I’m not part of the family and they have treated my DP as if he is a single man in terms of Christmas gifts, invitations to occasions and family meals.
I’m now NC because I don’t see the point in trying with them anymore. I’ve been with their son for 10 years!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/07/2023 18:15

WeeTreat · 06/07/2023 21:06

Do you view your in-laws as YOUR family?

I get on with mine well, but I can't help but think of them as DH's family, not mine. Yes, they are undoubtedly my DC's family, but I just don't view them as mine. I often find myself referring to my SIL's DD as 'DH's niece'. I mean nothing by it and am not consciously trying to dissociate myself, I just see it as his side and my side.

Was reading a thread earlier about how much contact adult DS have with their mothers, many posters said that their DIL's message them regularly. I very rarely contact my MIL. In fact, other than to wish her a Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, etc. Or thank her for a gift, I leave all communication to DH. Likewise, he wouldn't randomly txt my side of the family, other than to put a meme or something in the family WhatsApp.

How close are you to your in-laws?

You have great boundaries I wouldn't change a thing

NeverThatSerious · 07/07/2023 18:17

Yes, I absolutely do. They’re lovely people and we see them often. MIL has my child once a week so I can work and FIL works for us full time. It’s great, I feel very lucky to have them.

GlitterIsTheWorkOfTheDevil · 07/07/2023 18:20

My in-laws hate women coming into the family and I’ve been told by many of them that I’m not family. That’s set the tone of my relationship with them. After years of not being accepted and ignored and talked over and mocked, I don’t think of them as family.

CurlewKate · 07/07/2023 18:25

I have a perfectly amicable relationship with my MIL. There's no reason why we should be close-her primary relationship is with my partner and my children. They are the ones with the shared history. She and I have practically nothing in common except them! My dp has a proper friendship with my brother, though. They have a shared passion in sailing. But that is a bonus-not an expectation.

Original poster
WeeTreat · 07/07/2023 18:26

GlitterIsTheWorkOfTheDevil · 07/07/2023 18:20

My in-laws hate women coming into the family and I’ve been told by many of them that I’m not family. That’s set the tone of my relationship with them. After years of not being accepted and ignored and talked over and mocked, I don’t think of them as family.

That's shocking! What does your DH say about the way they treat you?

OP posts:
GlitterIsTheWorkOfTheDevil · 07/07/2023 18:36

WeeTreat · 07/07/2023 18:26

That's shocking! What does your DH say about the way they treat you?

Show quote history

He doesn’t like it. We are very low contact with them these days, see them about once a year. It’s made them hate me more though because they say I have ‘stolen’ him.

BlueMinge · 07/07/2023 19:00

GlitterIsTheWorkOfTheDevil · 07/07/2023 18:36

He doesn’t like it. We are very low contact with them these days, see them about once a year. It’s made them hate me more though because they say I have ‘stolen’ him.

Show quote history

Ha ha ha I think you have the same in-laws as me!!!

Original poster
WeeTreat · 07/07/2023 19:04

GlitterIsTheWorkOfTheDevil · 07/07/2023 18:36

He doesn’t like it. We are very low contact with them these days, see them about once a year. It’s made them hate me more though because they say I have ‘stolen’ him.

Show quote history

I don't blame you for hating them!

OP posts:
CharlotteStreetW1 · 07/07/2023 19:12

I see my in-laws as family especially as they're mostly local. And lovely.

Also the in-laws who married my siblings. My brother's wife had a daughter from a previous relationship who I also consider to be my niece and she's listed as such in my will.

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