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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Neighbour

16 replies

Peachslice · 06/07/2023 07:13

Hi
The last couple of years I’ve got a bit more friendly with some neighbours. One is kind but they generally have a very gloomy outlook on life, they lost their parent who they lived with a number of years ago and haven’t seemed to be able to move on from that. They’ve attempted to have therapy but fell out with the initial team so has been referred to another department, and won’t go down private route. They make reference their old employer was unsupportive, current work unsure but doesn’t seem many hours, they don’t speak to certain family members. They have a dog that’s reactive. They said they don’t really like meeting people, but always seems to know the movements on the road, and instigates a lot on the road’s facebook page.
Their private landlord, has been only been charging a reduced rate but warned last year they’d be selling. Neighbour said they went to Dr as a result saying it was affecting mental health. Now landlord has issued her intention to sell some houses. Neighbour is going down housing route, can obviously mean they might end up anywhere, and in a much smaller place.
So they know I have room, but I don’t want to offer space in my home. Am I being unfair?

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 06/07/2023 07:14

Living with someone is a big commitment. I wouldn't do that personally.

watcherintherye · 06/07/2023 07:26

Have you any reason to think they would expect you to offer? It’s difficult enough to live with someone you want to live with, and it sounds like you feel your neighbour might have a negative impact on you. I don’t think you need to feel obliged to offer space in your home. You can be supportive without doing that, and maybe stay in touch if they move.

Stinkymum · 06/07/2023 07:28

You're not responsible for your neighbours living situation.

And what happens next... they move in... and then how do they move on?

God there are some family members and close friends I'd have to seriously think long and hard if I could put them up... a neighbour wouldn't even get a look in.

You are not the solution. All you can do is sympathetic and supportive.

Justcallmebebes · 06/07/2023 07:35

No of course you're not being unreasonable. It's your home and your neighbour's landlady selling up, doesn't mean you're obliged to re-home him.

Don't give it a second thought

frozendaisy · 06/07/2023 07:37

Fuck no.

Listen to that conversation
Fell out with bereavement team
Old employer
Currently looking for something new employer is doing wrong
Fell out with family members
Reactive dog?

They are the common link.

Everything is someone or something else's fault.

They would never leave and expect everything.

You are not responsible for them.

It would be a huge mistake, huge. Unless you are planning on moving in a year say. But then they are in the same position.

You would NEVER be free.

HarrisJu · 06/07/2023 07:37

Just deflect the conversation.
well I’m sure you’ll find somewhere soon. What a lovely day.

FionnulaTheCooler · 06/07/2023 07:41

No you're not being unfair. This person sounds like a nightmare and you're under no obligation to sort out their housing issue. Let them find a solution themselves otherwise you're going to end up burdened with them for the foreseeable.

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 06/07/2023 07:43

You don't know this neighbour nearly well enough to have them move in with you. Most of your dealings with them have some sort of negativity attached. Although they'd have their own bedroom in your house (if they moved in) they'd be sharing your kitchen and living areas and you'd be stuck with them all the time - and the reactive dog. I wouldn't even go there. Have some excuses ready in case they should ask.

Hiddenvoice · 06/07/2023 07:54

No I wouldn’t even entertain the conversation. Just because you have a room doesn’t necessarily mean you have space. If they bring it up, empathise with her situation and politely say no. Be firm with the No and then end the conversation.

Fraaahnces · 06/07/2023 07:58

Why on earth would you even consider it?

Otherlover · 06/07/2023 08:35

God no! I'd avoid them. They sound too complicated and damaged. Keep well away.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 06/07/2023 08:37

Why on Earth would you feel guilty for not letting a random neighbour live in your actual house because they can't get their own shit together?? Do you often take on other people's problems and set yourself on fire to keep them warm? What has happened in your life that has led to you thinking this is even remotely reasonable?

mondaytosunday · 06/07/2023 09:15

Why on earth do you feel any need to even consider this? If he was a relative there might be some slight obligation but he's just a neighbour, and not a very pleasant one at that.

PuddlesPityParty · 06/07/2023 09:29

No, I don’t know why you’d even consider allowing a neighbour to move it.

ChaToilLeam · 06/07/2023 09:32

No, why should you offer your home? Has this neighbour asked, or hinted?

This person sounds like hard work TBH, it’s tough sharing space even when someone is easy going and likeable. As for the dog…!

billy1966 · 06/07/2023 09:35

frozendaisy · 06/07/2023 07:37

Fuck no.

Listen to that conversation
Fell out with bereavement team
Old employer
Currently looking for something new employer is doing wrong
Fell out with family members
Reactive dog?

They are the common link.

Everything is someone or something else's fault.

They would never leave and expect everything.

You are not responsible for them.

It would be a huge mistake, huge. Unless you are planning on moving in a year say. But then they are in the same position.

You would NEVER be free.

This.

Absolutely mad.

Give your head a shake.

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