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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP walked out

15 replies

Outfithelp89 · 05/07/2023 21:44

Hi all,
Just feeling very sad and don't really have anyone to talk to IRL.

DP walked out after arguing all day - he says he has not felt anything for me in about a month.

Not sure what to do we have a 17 month old and I love him and other than the usual arguments thought everything was fine.

I can't afford the house and bills on my own, I wouldn't get a mortgage for the whole amount on my own anyway. But he wants to stay and live together but he sleep on the sofa for our daughter. We only have a very small 2 bed though so not feasible I don't think.

Just rambling now. Hopefully it won't come to all that.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 05/07/2023 21:46

Don’t panic. Give him time to calm down.
And if it’s over, come back and ask for advice, don’t do anything until you’ve got advice.

AuntMarch · 05/07/2023 21:48

I'm sorry, that sounds very stressful and upsetting to come out of the blue like that.

What were the arguments about, and did they get nasty? - makes a big difference to whether things might be (or even should be) salvageable.

Parenting is tough and from what I understand it isn't uncommon for couples to lose themselves along the way. It is a decision to walk away or work through it though.

username2373 · 05/07/2023 22:04

When my dc was that age, my dh also said something along those lines. It happened (and ended) very quickly and out of the blue. I was so upset and shaken.

I've never forgotten and the trust has never fully recovered, in all honesty. But things have been ticking along well and it's been many years since it happened.

Some men find adjusting to life with kids very difficult and it can have a huge impact on the relationship.

Time makes things easier for everybody but the decision to give it the time it needs is his.

Original poster
Outfithelp89 · 05/07/2023 22:24

AuntMarch · 05/07/2023 21:48

I'm sorry, that sounds very stressful and upsetting to come out of the blue like that.

What were the arguments about, and did they get nasty? - makes a big difference to whether things might be (or even should be) salvageable.

Parenting is tough and from what I understand it isn't uncommon for couples to lose themselves along the way. It is a decision to walk away or work through it though.

He went out with his brother who is going through a break up last night, and didn't come home until 3am. On Wednesdays he has our DD whilst I go to work, no surprise that at 7:45 when I brought her down he was in no state to look after her so I was annoyed. He exploded and started calling me a c*nt, slamming doors repeatedly, shouting it was awful. I called my mum and this really annoyed him too. He calmed down and I started work (WFH) he came in and apologised and I said OK but needed to talk later on. He was going out to MIL's house, asked him to please be home at 5pm so we can eat together etc. Called him at lunchtime to ask about DD and it escalated to him shouting and hanging up on me, can't even remember why. Then when he came home he said he had to go and do something at work, he came.back and then said about not feeling anything for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Outfithelp89 · 05/07/2023 22:24

DustyLee123 · 05/07/2023 21:46

Don’t panic. Give him time to calm down.
And if it’s over, come back and ask for advice, don’t do anything until you’ve got advice.

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Outfithelp89 · 05/07/2023 22:28

username2373 · 05/07/2023 22:04

When my dc was that age, my dh also said something along those lines. It happened (and ended) very quickly and out of the blue. I was so upset and shaken.

I've never forgotten and the trust has never fully recovered, in all honesty. But things have been ticking along well and it's been many years since it happened.

Some men find adjusting to life with kids very difficult and it can have a huge impact on the relationship.

Time makes things easier for everybody but the decision to give it the time it needs is his.

Thank you for the perspective. I am the same very upset and shaken. Especially with it having come out of the blue.
I'm worried about it happening again even if he comes back and apologises, did you ever worry about that??

OP posts:
Livelovebehappy · 06/07/2023 00:31

Sounds like he’s reverting back to single life now his brother’s single too. Has probably gone out with his brother it’s brought back memories of how uncomplicated and fun single life can be. And he wants to continue to live with you and pursue his new batchelor lifestyle. Tell him this isn’t going to happen, that if he wants it over, then you need to separate and he needs to act responsibly and pay child support and jointly look after his child.

Hibiscrubbed · 06/07/2023 07:18

He wants (and maybe even sampled) single life with his brother. Selfish twat.

OrbandSpectacle · 06/07/2023 07:26

I think @Livelovebehappy and @Hibiscrubbed have nailed it.

Knockmealdowns · 06/07/2023 07:53

Did his parents have a stable safe home to rear him in? Explain that that is what you want for your child, and you love him.. Has he bonded with his baby? Hopefully he ll cop on and get a grip.. if not ..Livelovebehappy may be right.. praying it will sort itself out.. there are wobbly bits in all relationships at times.. if you can take time out and go stay with friends or family for a few days might help if the situation is very heated.. let him miss you and his baby a bit.. you can’t control him anyway so..

Allelbowsandtoes · 06/07/2023 07:57

He called you a cunt because he was too hungover to look after HIS CHILD while you worked?

Get rid.

AccidentallySuckedTheStrippersDick · 06/07/2023 08:20

Livelovebehappy · 06/07/2023 00:31

Sounds like he’s reverting back to single life now his brother’s single too. Has probably gone out with his brother it’s brought back memories of how uncomplicated and fun single life can be. And he wants to continue to live with you and pursue his new batchelor lifestyle. Tell him this isn’t going to happen, that if he wants it over, then you need to separate and he needs to act responsibly and pay child support and jointly look after his child.

This is exactly what I was going to say.

How much would he have to pay you via CMS? Do a calculation. Work out of you are entitled to benefits. If you STILL can't afford to live alone with your daughter then consider renting a room out and you and your daughter sharing for a while.

Either way, get rid of him. He's already bailed ship and just hasn't bothered to tell you.

Original poster
Outfithelp89 · 06/07/2023 21:21

Knockmealdowns · 06/07/2023 07:53

Did his parents have a stable safe home to rear him in? Explain that that is what you want for your child, and you love him.. Has he bonded with his baby? Hopefully he ll cop on and get a grip.. if not ..Livelovebehappy may be right.. praying it will sort itself out.. there are wobbly bits in all relationships at times.. if you can take time out and go stay with friends or family for a few days might help if the situation is very heated.. let him miss you and his baby a bit.. you can’t control him anyway so..

Oh yes he is definitely bonded with baby they have a brilliant relationship.
He works nights Thursday to Sunday so I won't see him a lot now until Monday so definitely some time to reflect. Thank you for your kind words! He has apologised profusely for yesterday.

OP posts:
Original poster
Outfithelp89 · 06/07/2023 21:22

OrbandSpectacle · 06/07/2023 07:26

I think @Livelovebehappy and @Hibiscrubbed have nailed it.

I hope not..

OP posts:
Original poster
Outfithelp89 · 06/07/2023 21:24

AccidentallySuckedTheStrippersDick · 06/07/2023 08:20

This is exactly what I was going to say.

How much would he have to pay you via CMS? Do a calculation. Work out of you are entitled to benefits. If you STILL can't afford to live alone with your daughter then consider renting a room out and you and your daughter sharing for a while.

Either way, get rid of him. He's already bailed ship and just hasn't bothered to tell you.

Show quote history

I've had a look and I think I could afford it. I just assume I would struggle to get a mortgage on my own if I were to try to buy him out. Not sure how it works!

OP posts:
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