Ghosted by brother

[mimosa80]

I was ghosted by my brother for 2 and a half years, he ghosted our whole family (my parents and my partner). I’ve never had a close relationship with him but this felt like the nail in the coffin.

He has always had a volatile relationship with my Mum. They had a big argument one day and then he stopped talking to all of us.
During that time my Mum was full of regret and wishing for him to get back in touch. I made a lot of attempts to contact him, sent messages, emails, calls etc.

Just recently he got in touch with my parents. They are delighted. When I spoke to him for the first time (by text; he refused to answer his phone) I asked for an explanation why he had ghosted us. No reply. My Mum begged me to stop asking, as we were due to see him for the first time in person, so I stopped for her sake.

Now my parents want us to keep meeting up like nothing ever happened, but I don’t want to. I asked him again for an explanation. No reply.

I would never put up with ghosting behaviour from a friend, especially without an explanation. Why should I put up with it from family? My parents will be upset when they find out but I am uncomfortable around someone who is so avoidant and manipulative. I have set a boundary- if he doesn’t explain, I don’t want to have a relationship with him. I’m angry with my parents for enabling his behaviour. They bought him a flat a few years ago and paid for cosmetic surgery. He has no concept of money or how to have a healthy relationship. He has no friends or partner.

Thanks for reading if you’ve got this far… I’d love some insight if anyone else has had a similar issue with a sibling.

Your point about this is correct - you wouldn’t take this shoddy behavior from a friend, so why would you from family? You shouldn’t have to put up with this just because he is your brother - making you feel like the problem and not even caring to explain why he did this? Thats really nasty and these type of people have no concept of others feelings; they only care about themselves. Those who matter in our lives would never ever make us feel like an option, or feel isolated, or give us the cold shoulder when we ask a very straightforward question… ie why did you ghost me. I feel like these people do it to bring others down. It’s not very nice, I hope he doesn’t ever need you as a support network, cos he’s not deserving of it!

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply, @PinkPotato1 . I feel horrible about it because my parents are getting older and don’t need any more stress. He has manipulated them so many times and doesn’t ever take accountability. He can never, ever say sorry. Everything is everyone else’s fault. It’s so hard when it’s family because there’s an expectation that you just forgive.

I think he may have some kind of personality disorder, definitely has mental health issues. My parents have offered to pay for counselling but he flat out refuses.