Am I fearing the worst?

[Oll29]

I need to speak to someone about this issue, I wanted a male and females opinion. It's a long story so please bear with me.

So for the past 5 nearly 6 weeks I've been seeing a girl from work. We hit it off straight away, speaking nearly everyday, going out on lunchbreaks together most times. We've been for dinner together and a couple of nights out, she's stayed at mine and visa verca. Last Monday night we were chatting but she was been grumpy and just stopped chatting. The day after at work she hardly spoke 2 words to me whether if we saw eachother in the office or on messages. Later that night she apologised and said she has moments where she goes into her own little world and doesn't speak to anyone including family, personally I thought it seemed odd but I'm still getting to know her so I didn't really think I should judge. Day after she was back to normal again and we spoke as normal. This weekend she came to mine and went out, had a great time and she left Sunday evening and told me she had a lovely time. Once again everything seemed good. However yesterday she went into the quiet stage again, barely a word, she claimed she was busy with work but that's never really stopped her before and personally think anyone can find time to speak to someone, this continued after work. This morning she seemed to talk first thing but then has gone quiet, I've asked if there's anything up and she says she's fine so I have to take her word for it. I asked if she fancied going for dinner together but she says she's busy all week.

The point I'm getting is that I feel like recently she doesn't appear to be like she was before. We've both already stated that we want to take things easy because we both came out of long term relationships. She claims that I've made her happy again because she had a torrid relationship previously, so I'm thinking (wishful anyway) that I'm not a rebound. I don't want to be too pushy but I can't lie something just doesn't feel right, she said before that if she's not feeling it with someone then she tells them and won't waste eachothers time. As we aren't in a relationship I don't feel I can talk about this much because technically we are both single, however I've invested alot into this already, emotionally especially. She claims she really likes me and I've told her the same, but last week or so something doesn't feel right. I don't want to keep asking if she's OK because that will drive her away like anyone.

Am I overthinking too much here or would anyone say I have reason to be doubtful?

As a person who also goes quiet when I’m overwhelmed/busy/not feeling 100% mentally. Just let her be, ask once if she’s okay and accept her answer. If she is genuinely someone who needs quiet/space in this way she will pipe up in her own time. Constant asking what’s up/if she’s okay is more likely to drive her away. Also it shows you don’t trust her answer when she tells you she just needs quiet time sometimes and it’s not personal and that she doesn’t waste time etc. The not trusting her answer is what would push her away imo. If you get more serious I would expect her to say to you, ‘feeling a bit overwhelmed so may be a bit quiet today - have a good day etc’ on messages or if she saw you in the office just to say something similar to you as a courtesy. But yes you are overthinking.

I don’t think this is a good sign for a future relationship. It’s clearly a pattern that will keep repeating and do you really want the anxiety of her going quiet whenever she feels like it for no apparent reason, which ultimately impacts negatively on how you feel?

Like the PP said, you could step back and see what her response is, or you could draw a line under it (which honestly would be my advice).

While I understand that when people go through stuff they can become quiet and withdrawn, you have to consider what this type of behavior does to you. It’s not making you feel good about yourself, or about the possibility of a relationship, or the situation you are in now. I have bad days and I’m a quiet person by nature, but I don’t shut others out. In fact I actually make certain that I reply to people, even on very very busy days. I think this comes down to, if you really cared about a person or wanted them in your life, would you treat them differently to the rest? OK don’t reply to everyone but what about those you care about, don’t they deserve something?
It’s a tough situation, and everyone’s mental health matters, yours just as much in this situation. However you guys aren’t dating. How much info does she really owe you? Maybe doesn’t want to open up 100% to you yet? Very hard to judge this really.

You could draw back from this situation yourself and see what happens. If she doesn’t contact you at all, then the writing is on the wall. The other thing you can do is walk away now. I’d be asking serious Qs of myself, like is this something I could deal with long term? all the best.

It’s vice versa x

Visa verca made me laugh. Reminded me of that Victoria Wood sketch - fina bodee

OP she doesn't sound like she's that into you and is now cooling things off. That's why it's never a good idea to date people you work closely with. Awkward when it goes wrong

She’s messing you around and not worth your time.
Leave her before you become anymore emotionally invested and before she inevitably breaks things off with you.

If she is in any way bothered about you, she will then make attempts to carry on with the relationship. If she isn’t bothered, then she will accept the breakup without any attempt to reconcile.

it sounds like you could be on the way to a heartbreak - end it now before it’s too late for you.

Following on from this. After that it all seemed to be going well and everything was OK, there was one or two silent moments but literally for a day if that. Since Monday she went quiet again and even went on her lunch alone, once again I thought something was up. Anyway tonight, after not speaking to me all day again I received a message out of the blue that she doesn't want to continue it, she claimed that I was too intense, this despite me being the one who waits for her to text or ring me. I gave her space and time and it seems that wasnt even enough. She also claimed that she felt she had rushed into something too soon Following her break up from her previous relationship. When I questioned why she had said she loved me and said I was the best thing to happen in her life in a long time, she says it was because she meant it but she was caught up and was going in with both feet. I'll be honest I'm absolutely heartbroken because I really did think a lot of her, I did jobs for her to help her although now I feel like I've just been manipulated. I guess it serves me right but my god its such a horrible feeling, I feel so down I can't sleep. Regarding work the job is stressful enough and now this has made me decide I think it's time for a change of scenery and job. I can't help how I feel about the girl, I know it wasn't long and you will think I'm getting upset over nothing, but when I met this girl I was just coming to terms with my mother's death and I felt very vulnerable. This girl brought a huge positive lift in my life. I'm just so gutted it's come to this. Lesson learned don't date anyone from work.