Do angry, violent men ever change?

[BlastedPimples]

My stbx was angry and violent occasionally. Drove scarily too. Frightening for me and the dcs.

He's seeing a psychiatrist and is on medication now. Says he had a nervous breakdown and has ADHD.

I detest the man. He's a pathological liar and abusive. The dcs don't want to see him either.

I'm thinking in terms of safety for any future contact with the dcs if they ever want to see him again. Do they ever change?

He's got a new gf - started during our marriage - and if he's not angry and violent with her, then it's me and the dcs who triggered his rage, right?

I wish you all the best @BlastedPimples whilst he's under a psychiatrist and having treatment and medication that might keep him placated for a while, what I mean is he's being indulged /fussed over and that will make him feel 'special and important' and hopefully keep him off your back to an extent.
Long-term I would want to keep out of his line of sight and hopefully out of his line of fire, so that to him you are as boring as and uninteresting as possible and do not draw his ire.
I'm not trying to suggest that he should be indulged or sympathized with, more that it's probably better not to go head with him in any way because that will fire him up, give him the ability to get a fix on you and see you as a target. I would try to find a way to dissipate and vanish from his life like smoke so he forgets about me and the children.
Obviously I don't know him like you do and so you are the best judge, but those are the things that occur to me.

Long term he will not prosper because he is too much of a liability, it's likely that he's only functional if he has a woman who is willing to be his servant/slave, someone who will put her own needs aside in order to smooth everything over and make things work.
Women are increasingly unwilling to serve men like this these days and so hopefully the new woman will get the measure of him quickly see through him and leave before she is trapped. He's only treating her well now because he needs to win her over in order to get her to obey him so that he can make her serve his needs.

No, they categorically NEVER change. Having a diagnosis doesn't change that or make anybody more/less likely to be violent. What is your relationship to this man, I didn't understand your shorthand. Keep your dc away from him and end your relationship, men like this are toxic AF.

He's got a new gf - started during our marriage - and if he's not angry and violent with her, then it's me and the dcs who triggered his rage, right?

Eh, no.

But he's very very highly motivated to not look like the problem and the common denominator, isn't he?

He'll be on his very best behaviour for quite a while

Besides, noone knows what's really going on in a relationship. People put up with and hide abuse for years.

@TheoTheopolis23 you're right. I didn't say anything for years. Was sure nobody would believe me. Until we recorded him. And still some people don't seem to mind that much. Still friends with him because "he needs help."

He took a load of pills and whiskey one evening when he found the dcs school had seen the recordings and the game was up.

However, he's still going to be prosecuted for assaulting me. So he can't get away with that. I can't imagine how he's explained that to his gf but that's not my problem.

My problem is keeping dcs safe. I hope they don't change their minds about seeing him until they are a lot bigger but that isn't up to me.