How to manage relationship dynamics that you weren't expecting

[fluffycat77]

hi there

I feel like I'm going crazy and don't know what to do. My DP and I are in our late 30's and have been together for a few years (around 5). I have led a very responsible life from the age of 18 when I left home - he has not (lived in shared housing/ pub accommodation/ at friends/ parents). We currently own our home and there are MANY jobs that need doing. For some reason unless I micro manage and instruct EVERY job it either doesn't get done or is done badly (I have very average expectations). This is causing row after row as I'm struggling playing the organiser and the nag but if I take even one step back, as mentioned, nothing will ever get done and if it does eventually its not right (as in, I have been at work and he's agreed to building work on the house that isn't appropriate or is shoddy). I can appreciate this is a new world for him but seriously - why doesn't he want to lead on anything, be motivated or want to take pride in our home. Basically my question is 1) has anyone else experienced this? 2)if so how did you deal with it? 3) is it sustainable being in a relationship where you feel more like a mum than a partner and have zero faith in him?

ps. yes, I have handed projects over to him and they have consistently cost us insane amounts of money due to poor communication or have needed to be re-done due to poor quality.

No it’s not sustainable being with someone you need to mother along; you’ll stop being sexually attracted to him if you even are when he’s such a manchild

No it isn't sustainable, I had one like that he is now he the ex, I had to constantly remind him of things that needed doing, the things he did do he rushed because he couldn't be bothered, and I'm sure he did things like that so I didn't ask him to do any work again. It looks awful.
we were together 5 years. when we met he was very much like yours, now I'm left with replacing/ fixing everything to a decent standard and it is going to cost a fortune. He clearly just didn't have respect for my house or the things in it.

He sounds awful. Kick him out, you'll be a lot happier without him. And asking someone repeatedly to do something they can't be arsed to do isn't nagging.

Agree!!! It’s a downward spiral

I married someone like this. Years of having to ask for every single thing that needed doing, eventually after kids leading to huge rows when it all became too much for me alone and I could no longer be patient about the endlessly neglected housework and jobs. In the end I left. He had the cheek to accuse me of being abusive because I ‘nagged’ about everything.
Honestly, do your future self a favour and either agree he’ll pay for what needs to be done by someone else or leave now and find a grown up to share your life with.

It doesn't get better, my ex was like this. Life is too short to waste time with people who bring you down and hold you back like this.